Daily frustrations

I’ve had three hopes and intentions for this week.

The first being to send a letter to Emily, but as much as I’ve thrown away scraps of paper with my scruffy handwriting..I just can’t find the right words to sum up anything that I want to say. I don’t know.

The second was to get a response (hopefully positive) for the job that I applied for previously and really want. Heard nothing, haven’t had a response to my email. When I called them late last week I was told that interviews would be done early this week and that they’d be in touch. Really shitty not to at least tell me I haven’t got the job, huh.

Last of all was the promise I made to record myself playing a song. I’ve recorded sound a little today and just hate how I sound. Completely. I haven’t got a decent microphone and my inbuilt laptop mic doesn’t pick up my voice clearly at certain tones. That and I just hate the sound of my own voice. I couldn’t find any video recording software on my laptop that I thought I would have, I have video with no audio or vice versa. A little annoying and I’m quite tired of making excuses. But yeah.

This week’s going well, I’m just tired of little everyday things chipping away at me and still feel powerless to make a positive impact on my own life right now. Let alone anyone else’s. It’s probably better than I’m single right now and try to pick up my own pieces, if I can manage that.

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The Future

A lot of my future is a doubt.

My entire future is a doubt, full of unknowns and questions with no answers yet.

A Youtuber that I watch commonly came out with the line that his Dad would say:

Only two things in life are problems, medical and relationships. Money solves everything else.

That really resonated with me and right now you could say I’ve got two problems. Which when I think about it so bluntly, that really sucks. I’m 21, if I had everything set now then I wouldn’t have grown and matured how I have, I wouldn’t be the man that I’m happy to have become. I haven’t got anything physical to speak of as an accomplishment in almost 22 years. Does that suck? Of course. Do other people have it worse? Yes, a lot worse.

I’m blessed to have what I do, I’m building towards my future. Fuck anyone who says i’ve not accomplished anything. Your own personal sense of accomplishment and growth are so important in this life. Nobody even knows why we’re here. We’re all looking for answers to questions that we may never find.

Lets enjoy the ride and stop being so damn materialistic. Even i’m guilty of that at times.

Inspiration – Watsky

So I was listening through music, as I am the majority of the time and I figured why not share some thoughts?

For those of you that don’t know, Watsky is an American white rapper, not usually my cup of tea at all. But he’s great, if you haven’t heard any of his stuff, check him out here. You won’t regret it, he’s not only a great musician, I’d say he’s a great guy. I find his journey really inspiring.

His lyrics are brilliant, he’ll happily poke fun at himself. I’ve found myself relying on some of his tracks that I related to in my own personal way, I still do. He went viral on Youtube with “white kid raps fast” and has since flowered and gotten so far away from that tag he was branded with early in his music career and reached great heights. He most recently collaborated with Kate Nash in his newest album.

I don’t buy music anymore, I haven’t for years. I have Spotify and Youtube at my fingertips the majority of the time because I’m attached to my laptop 24/7. When he released his second album, I had all of his music that I had downloaded for free from his sites, the rest favourited on Youtube. It’s all I listen to on my phone when I go anywhere. But for once, I had to pre-order his new album “Cardboard Castles”. I got so excited. The day I broke up with my ex after I found out she cheated on me, his signed version of Cardboard Castles rocked up right on time to help me through it. You couldn’t write that shit any better, I strolled to my friend’s house. Told him the news and just passed him the cd, we smoked, chatted shit and drank coffee. Easiest transition from heartache, better than my earlier drunk mad rebound journeys.

Anyway, that’s a whole different story I’ll share sometime. As it’s pretty amusing for anyone but me!

The biggest thing for me, what really hit home was Watsky’s spoken word poetry. It’s brilliant, it’s touching. I’d recommend this guy to anyone and everyone.

I even had the beauty of going to see him on tour when he stopped by in London with the hilarious Dumbfounded. First time I’ve felt too old for a gig, but I didn’t give two fucks. I had the fun of the mini-road trip into London with two of my best friends that I went to the gig with too, I really needed that at the time after my breakup. You’ll have to do a lot to top this guy for heart and soul, live and recorded.

So if you haven’t already left this article to check him out, please do. You’ll find something you enjoy. Starting here is a good idea.

Currently listening to:

So I’m listening to Drive, by Incubus. It’s a song that lately has just sat really well with me. I have a habit to listen to all sorts of music, which if you happen to hang around here, I’m sure you’ll see eventually.

For anyone who hasn’t heard it:

Spotify users
The YouTubes!

I have a habit of listening to songs and taking them in subconsciously. Sometimes, like now: I’ll have a realisation that this song has huge meaning to me right now and it clicks in my head why I was enjoying it so much. I guess I see why it resonates so much with me at the minute.

Lately I’m beginning to find that I should be the one behind the wheel

Whatever tomorrow brings, I’ll be there

With open arms and open eyes yeah

Just a small pick of the lyrics. You could say I’m at a bit of a crossroads in my still pretty young life. A lot of huge and defining decisions are ahead of me and after coming to the decision to quit University and find the happy, optimistic version of myself…You could say I was terrified of the open-ended possibilities, yet feeling so limited at the same time.

I’ve finally came to terms with what’s ahead of me: I don’t know, but I’m embracing what comes my way and doing my best to control my path.

What are you listening to? Does it have any underlying meaning that you didn’t realise? Or are you a little more aware than me and currently have a song that just fits where you are or how you’re feeling?