Post Breakup – Embarrassing Story

So we all react in different ways after breakups, go back a year and after almost a year of on/off with the first girl I ever slept with, I decided to stop being so damn unhappy and cut those ties. So I did, and it was harder than I thought, we argued tons and the low moments distinguished any flame that tried to spark during our best times.

It hurt, yeah. I dealt with it badly, I’ll probably do it again. I spent maybe two months drinking copious amounts of anything (mainly wine, a lot of wine) and this story I’m sharing starts that way. It started just going for a quiet drink and catching up with some old mates, the girls got bored of us and were a bit “clicky” so we left them to it and I caught up with my two best mates.

For some reason we decided we’d drink wine, we had drank two bottles of wine each before we even realised, 3 guys in a pub with 6 empty bottles of wine is a weird sight, on reflection. I’m a massive lightweight as it is, I was rocking it like a heavyweight after my breakup. Well, I remember parts of the night, I had the rest filled in from the little the other guys remembered.

So we decided to hit up some of the shitty clubs, we had to walk for about half an hour to get there. Apparently we made it, I think it was a Friday, so it was a pretty busy night. We kept drinking, because we’re sensible like that. These guys had one aim of the night, and it was to get me to start moving on and stop being such a mopey little bitch. I decided to stop caring and just have a laugh.

Amongst odd flirting, picking up a few numbers, I’m a pretty selective and reserved guy. Or I was, I’ve sort of came out of my shell, gained a lot of confidence along the way.

Apparently I strolled upto this woman who was about 40+ and started chatting her up, which she absolutely loved. What I found out about her:

1) She had children.

2) Her husband was at the bar buying them drinks.

So she didn’t seem to care about this, she was loving the attention. We left that club there, she pointed her husband out at the bar and waved him over. He was massive, covered in tattoos and 6″6. He luckily wasn’t the smartest and didn’t realise what had been going on, or I probably wouldn’t be telling this tale at all.

We went onto the next club, or went on a few detours between. Maybe stopped at another pub for a pint. I really don’t even know. Somewhere along the way I stopped drinking for a little bit, the three of us turned on our charm with a group of girls and had a really good laugh. One of these girls was into me, we got talking a little (I think?!?) and necked (Do people know this term or is it a British thing?) for quite a while.

I think I bought everyone shots, I know all I could taste was Tequila for a few days, I don’t have to be Sherlock for that discovery, this is where my night blanks completely. I wake up back at my place, apparently I told my mate that I left them and went off with her and found them later.

My mates told me I just came up to them both with a serious look on my face and just said “You know that girl I’ve been with for the last hour? She just asked me if I was gay.”

So they told me, I said she asked me that and I didn’t say a word, just turned and walked away. I found it so hilarious being told, I was far too drunk to know what was going on, to be honest.

A memorable night, for mad reasons. There are plenty more if anyone finds my major misfortunes and life failure funny. I like looking back and having a laugh at it, maybe you guys did?