Well then. Where was I? I’ve had a fairly hectic week. I’ll get to giving you a proper update this weekend. I might do it tonight, but to be frank: I’m fucking shattered.
I started a new job on Tuesday, I’ve worked 9-5:50 the last four days and I’m absolutely chuffed with how it’s going. But more on that soon. Just wanted to drop by and let you know it’s all good and things on my side are moving on up.
Finally got that break I was looking for, you could say.
Hi little corner of internet, how’s it going? Good weekend?
Mine was hugely uneventful, I have like no social life (not even over-exaggerating here) since moving away from University and back “home” with my family, though it’s like 7 hours away from where I was born and raised.
I realised one thing: I haven’t touched my guitar or been singing for the last couple of months. Really awful. I need to get back doing it because it puts in a miles better place, especially to hear feedback from the odd few here that drop by to listen to my recordings. So over the next few weeks i’m going to work on the first song writing in about 6 months and just get back into my stride.
I’m starting a short (10 week maximum) English class just to pick up basic qualifications that I don’t have because I was ill when I should’ve been picking these up. I’ll be following it up with Maths too and whatever else that comes up. It’s quite..no. It’s demeaning. I’m not gonna lie. When I dropped for the initial testing and introduction class there were 4 people including myself there. Everyone else was at least 10 years older than me: one woman could barely use the pc that the test was on, one guy was Polish and didn’t speak great English.
I might come across as an arse or a hypocrite to comment on them, but I’m aware that as a 22 year old man this isn’t where I seen my path leading. Anyway, it’s a positive just to slap that on my CV and move on. It might only take me a few weeks because of the level I’m at. After say 6 years since I was being taught this stuff at school, there’s a lot of odd things you don’t actually realise that you’ve forgotten. I’ll pick it up in no time. The important thing is that I work individually and the class that I share with others doesn’t limit me in even the slightest of ways.
I mean, the biggest news is something that I’m still trying to be reserved with. But to be completely honest: I’m so fucking excited/apprehensive at the same time.
I got the job interview for ICT support technician at the local school that I was so keen for.
Now, I’ve been given the chance that I’ve been so desperate for. I deserve it, I really do. This job would be a walk in the park to be completely honest. It pays well, I could easily progress by showing the drive that I know I have in me. One thing that has always appeals to me in a job is the chance to dress well daily. I look fucking good in a suit, just saying!
There’s a writing job within the League of Legends E-sports community too that I stumbled across. The deadline is tomorrow and they want a sample piece of writing that I’ve kinda struggled writing. I was going to ask for advice here about whether or not I should go for it or just focus on the other job.
Unlike the other writing work I’ve done within gaming: this actually offers pay. It’d still only be something that I spend..I don’t know. Probably all in all a max of 12 hours a week working on combined with research. What I didn’t mention is that they’re hiring for content writers within either Korean, Chinese or Taiwanese competitive gaming scenes. I actually follow the Korean scene because it’s classed as the best in the world. I just need to do A LOT of work to learn everything I need to.
So I’m gonna spend my afternoon trying to write a respectable sample article and send off an application there too. I’m sure that I could keep up with both. If I don’t get it…well..Nothing ventured, nothing gained right?
This has gotten a little wordy, but i’m bouncing at the minute at the thought of being given a chance by this school. I really need to smash that interview come Friday. I’ll be sure to update before then anyway.
For now, hope you’re all well with whatever part of the path you find yourself on. Keep smiling.
You know, it has been far too long since I gave an insightful update into the goings on in my life. In part it’s down to my laptop being dead and now brought back to life thanks to a favour called in from a friend of my mums. But it isn’t just down to that, I’ve just been a bit..well, flat I suppose in the last month or two. It comes from a varying range of reasons that I haven’t sat down and given much thought about until now. So here goes with a little out loud rambling.
I’m still unemployed, that’s painful in multiple ways. I feel like a huge disappointment and burden on my family since quitting university, even though I still consider it to be the right decision for me. A big one is money: I get absolute peanuts in terms of unemployment benefits and the unemployment lot that deal with me are fucking useless in terms of inspiration or motivation; I’d go as far as saying there’s zero interest in anything but ticking boxes on their side of their jobs. The majority of my money right now goes back into my family who struggle money-wise right now quite a lot. I’m still in hellish debt of my overdraft for the time being.
It’s not through lack of trying or anything otherwise. I spoke to my dad about it recently and I was telling him about what I was applying for and that it was a lot of effort to put into cover letters or tailoring my CV to their needs or particular shitty jobs that I had to pretend I actually wanted. He told me just to sack all of that off, essentially and try to get something in IT because he knows that I’ll enjoy that. He’s right, but short term that still hurts me until I catch a break from..well, anyone.
I’ve just this Monday sent off a hell of a good account of myself in forms of a job application for two posts at the local school that my mum works at. They’re hiring for two posts: ICT curriculum support technician and ICT support technician. One would be more being around kids and practically being a teaching assistant in IT classes. The other is just all of the easy background fixing shit and either would be a total walk in the park. I only found out about this thanks to my mum and she put a sneaky word in to her friends that work in that department.
To my knowledge there’s only one guy that has applied for either post so far, and he’s younger than me so they think he might not be mature enough. Considering you’re working around school kids constantly, it’s kind of a big deal. I mean, I may be 5″5 but a little facial hair and my northern tones definitely set me apart. Give me one interview and they’ll see that for sure. I’m confident I can get a job if i’m given a chance. These are words I seem to keep repeating to myself. Just give me a chance, someone. Fucking hell, I’m due a little break. I’m optimistic in a reserved way about this opportunity. Fingers crossed that I get a chance for either job. The closing date is the coming Monday (27/1), I’ll be sure to update.
I guess I don’t want to bore people too much in terms of what’s going on with me, this has already turned into a long read I think for most. Sorry about that!
I’ll come back to this soon and give you a part two, might take a part three to really feel like I’ve caught up with everything. We’ll see. See you soon.
Thanks for hanging around, you’re all awesome.
Had to get up fairly early after roughly a few hours sleep, oh the pain. To be told that the work experience being arranged for me is essentially not organised in a week that they’ve had to do it. The woman I had a meeting arranged to see wasn’t even there to see me either. Shit huh! Ah well, I actually got ready in roughly 2 minutes, skinny black jeans, red and white checked shirt. I actually had a fair bit of confidence today and look pretty good! So that’s a nice feeling.
I don’t know if as such a night owl I’ve never seen it before, or it was just a coincidence? Everyone was cheery, bright and happy to see me! Strangers wishing me good morning, people sharing a smile with me, it was lovely. Is this an exclusive morning people club that I miss out on normally? This brings me onto my second theory: A confident Northern English lad with (questionable) facial hair and glasses being cheerful in a small town in Essex is better received than I’d expect and Northern charm is actually a thing, not just a sarcastic thing that I’ve made up. I have no idea, maybe both? Maybe neither!
I’ve had very little job luck, considering the last two “interviews” I’ve had have been ran by the worst companies I could’ve had the dumb luck to be interested in..I’m starting to be a little less naive about the hiring process. I’m actually in a good place when it comes to being a happy individual, I’m getting there. It’s a slow process, but I think finding a job that I would genuinely like to do is a must for me right now, or I’ll just spiral back into a pit of depression. Which is actually why I left University in the first place: To find that happy place that I was missing in the day to day stuff, it’s still a work in progress.
For some reason I’m writing less, I don’t know why that is. I’m not overly busy, I guess I spend a lot of time sharing skype calls and chatting to my favourite American girl. We’re mutually weird together, I love it. It’s definitely something I need in my life, someone that thinks a lot of me and cares. Granted it’s coming from a source I wouldn’t have ever expected, but it is what it is y’know?
I’m sort of picking myself up though again after a speed bump in my day earlier on. It’s funny what one song will do to you sometimes, moving on is hard some days. I’m still hurting a lot, no way to sugar coat that one I guess.
I realised I haven’t been blogging anywhere near as much as I normally would. Which is weird. Very uncharacteristic of me. What I would say is, that kinda doesn’t worry me? It means I clearly have much less to vent about, less bad going on that I feel the need to lament about. That has to be a good thing.
I’m just taking my baby steps along the way, heavily procrastinating (don’t we all?) and finding a much happier place. With the help of a few people. I’m making huge steps to working out what I want for my future, and it’s comforting. Probably the first time in my life I’ve looked forward with any form of optimism to my future. Rather than the usual looking back with regret. It’s a difficult trait to change, I’m getting there.
Things have changed for me
and that’s okay,
I feel the same,
I’m on my way
So I realised that I haven’t posted today, or yesterday. Or whatever, I sort of lost track of days and what’s going on.
I guess I just had nada to say, now it’s gone 1 o clock and I was alone with my thoughts for the first time. So I better share them, eh? That was why I started this blog in the first place.
My older brother has been visiting, I haven’t seen him in over a year. It’s not weird at all, we hang out, we talk about football, or films, or tv. That’s pretty much how it goes, I have a lot of negative feelings towards him. Over the last year we’ve spoken on the phone once, it’s very strange. He’s very distant. I’ll tell the story another time I guess. But I’m a lot closer to my younger brother, as much as I love them both. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a long story. I’ll get to it some time.
I spent longer than I’d have expected to at the council offices today. It was my whole signing on day so I get money for being a jobless fucker (Still waiting to hear from my latest interview, they’ll call me Monday. They said that last Monday too. Awful) The woman that sees me really gets along with me, we just spent about 10 minutes chatting about her son, and allsorts. It’s nice to make essentially a stranger smile. A rewarding feeling to feel like you’ve left a mark on someone’s day with no negative impact on your day.
I actually spent 10-15 minutes waiting in an unusually busy council office. It’s normally empty, there was an elderly lady with her grandson that was 4 as well as a couple with a baby. I felt really old, and totally self reflective on what I want in the near future. This little guy was called Tyler, and I think I must have just given him a huge grin as I sat down or something, this 4 year old kid in a Superman jumper just plonked himself down next to me out of nowhere. He shows me his Nintendo DS and asks me if I want to play, I humour him and joke about the size of the Gameboy I used to have. He was such a cool little kid, I forgot how simple and easily entertained kids can be. He just had the biggest grin and he’d giggle at little jokes. I think his grandma was just happy that someone could entertain him haha.
Made me reflect on what I want in the future, how I will make a great dad. I have absolutely no doubt. Then I laugh at how dumb I can be to even think of that when I’m as lonely as I feel like I’ve ever been right now relationship-wise. Even something as little as an ignored text tonight has really got me down. But for all I know it’s just me overthinking, I’m a bit good at that. Ugh, my brain is awful. Stop, please.
MelancholyContemplation 