Facial hair and age expectance

I suck and haven’t been writing lately. I don’t know. There’s no “I’ve been super busy” excuse that would be totally cool. I’ve just not really been feeling it. Hence I’ve been a little sporadic.

Anyway, I’d say for the last month, but probably more: I’ve not shaved. Until last night at least. I was rocking a pretty awful beard frankly, but I’d never actually grown my facial hair untamed for longer than say..a fortnight without caving.

Here’s the verdict: I shouldn’t grow facial hair past a little stubble. It doesn’t really suit me, and it’s patchy as FUCK. No lie. It was pretty awful. I had a good laugh shaving in stages though. I’m a 22 year old child. I feel like Jack (Robin Williams is awesome).

I was also slightly encouraged by a particular biased American girl who prefers some “scruff”. Ever so slightly. Maybe. Completely.

So now I’m clean shaven and feel like I’ve lost about 10+ years of age in looks. I already regret not just trimming haha. It’ll take at least a week or so to grow back any notable or acceptable stubble.

Manly problems.

 

Tuesday Tuesday Tuesday

Had to get up fairly early after roughly a few hours sleep, oh the pain. To be told that the work experience being arranged for me is essentially not organised in a week that they’ve had to do it. The woman I had a meeting arranged to see wasn’t even there to see me either. Shit huh! Ah well, I actually got ready in roughly 2 minutes, skinny black jeans, red and white checked shirt. I actually had a fair bit of confidence today and look pretty good! So that’s a nice feeling.

I don’t know if as such a night owl I’ve never seen it before, or it was just a coincidence? Everyone was cheery, bright and happy to see me! Strangers wishing me good morning, people sharing a smile with me, it was lovely. Is this an exclusive morning people club that I miss out on normally? This brings me onto my second theory: A confident Northern English lad with (questionable) facial hair and glasses being cheerful in a small town in Essex is better received than I’d expect and Northern charm is actually a thing, not just a sarcastic thing that I’ve made up. I have no idea, maybe both? Maybe neither!

I’ve had very little job luck, considering the last two “interviews” I’ve had have been ran by the worst companies I could’ve had the dumb luck to be interested in..I’m starting to be a little less naive about the hiring process. I’m actually in a good place when it comes to being a happy individual, I’m getting there. It’s a slow process, but I think finding a job that I would genuinely like to do is a must for me right now, or I’ll just spiral back into a pit of depression. Which is actually why I left University in the first place: To find that happy place that I was missing in the day to day stuff, it’s still a work in progress.

For some reason I’m writing less, I don’t know why that is. I’m not overly busy, I guess I spend a lot of time sharing skype calls and chatting to my favourite American girl. We’re mutually weird together, I love it. It’s definitely something I need in my life, someone that thinks a lot of me and cares. Granted it’s coming from a source I wouldn’t have ever expected, but it is what it is y’know?

I’m sort of picking myself up though again after a speed bump in my day earlier on. It’s funny what one song will do to you sometimes, moving on is hard some days. I’m still hurting a lot, no way to sugar coat that one I guess.

Halloween

So this time last year for halloween I was dressed as Old Gregg from The Mighty Boosh (You American readers will likely have no idea, here’s a good reference picture!) I swear the resemblance was uncanny. Down to the makeup and lipstick. Tutu, tights and all.

I got insanely drunk, had a good time, went out to the clubs, got more drunk. One of my best friends had a total meltdown of a night and I ended up looking after him, we both had a proper heart to heart, got upset, then just got rowdy again. I even persuaded a group of slutty bunnies to do the macarena to Misery Business by Paramore. That was fun.

We went and pissed off one of our other friends that was working, stole limes from one of the bar’s fridges and decided it was a good idea to throw them down the street. It totally was by the way, one landed right on a taxi’s windscreen. Beautiful.

This year? Yeah I’m doing nothing at all. I don’t really mind all too much, reflecting on last year is amusing and all. But alcohol = drama and feelings that spill out, I’m fairly happy to be past it and out of that environment. I don’t really need that anymore.

 

Smitten

So I mentioned in my last blog that I’d met a lovely American girl, and we video called yesterday for the first time. It was really nice, we get along great. I don’t even know how long we spent talking to one another, maybe three+ hours? I don’t even know, I lost track. I was just having a great time chatting. Sharing stories, comparing slang that we use. Finding certain words particularly cute.I realised I have this ability to make her blush from making the smallest of compliments. It’s adorable and I could talk for days like this. Wow. This is weird huh?

I realised the whole time we were talking that I was just constantly smiling. It’s a really strange situation to be in. To find someone that I find attractive in so many ways that I haven’t physically met. She’s beautiful, she has an infectious smile and laugh. She’s witty, gets my humour. It’s kinda difficult. The time zone doesn’t actually make much of a difference for talking, we’ve been talking tons.

It’s a feeling that I’ve missed for a long time that I’ve managed to stumble upon in a place and time that I didn’t expect for a second. I mean, right now I’m in no place for a relationship with anyone frankly. Last time I spoke to Emily I felt fairly sure of that I guess, for one reason or another. I mean, I can’t deal with many more hits right now. I’m still struggling with a lot of things, but I’d like to hold onto the feeling that I have right now.

It’s a great feeling to wake up to sweet little notes complimenting me, it’s nice to have someone in my life that came out of nowhere that’s capable to make my day before my day has even technically started. I love that.

Look, I know that it’s a pretty big ocean between the two of us. Nobody knows what the future holds, for good or bad. Why not enjoy something for what it is right now without a thought of the future for once? It’s something I don’t do enough, and it’s rewarding.

Chuck

Chuck is one of my favourite ever tv shows, I could rewatch it multiple times. I’ve seen the whole lot twice. It’s not just because I want to steal Yvonne Strahovski away for myself either, but I definitely would. I’ve genuinely cried at times watching it, yeah I’m manly as fuck. It doesn’t really bother me to admit that to you, internet.

If you haven’t seen Chuck, just take my word for it and watch it. It has everything. Action, romance, drama, comedy. Totally mixed bag of awesome.

I realised when rewatching some scenes that there are so many songs used on Chuck that just bring out the perfect emotions and fit so well. Whoever was in charge of the music was brilliant.

Bon Iver – Creature Fear

This makes me want to run away and share this sort of intimate moment waking up holding that special someone. I just love this scene, I love this song too for similar reasons.

If you don’t want major spoilers and intend to watch it, don’t watch the next video!

The final scene of the show. It’s beautiful and heartbreaking. I genuinely got emotional watching it again, wow. I’m really in a weird mood tonight. I’m just such a hopeless romantic, stuff like this totally hits home I guess. They want the little cottage with the picket fence and just…ugh. Yeah. I relate in a lot of ways to the fictional relationship, how weird.

The Head And The Heart – Rivers And Roads

 

 

 

Online Dating update

I realised that a lot of people seemed fairly interested in seeing a single guy’s view of attempting online dating so I figure I should give another update. It really isn’t something that I’ve fully committed to lately. I mean, I’ve made it fairly clear lately that there’s someone that I’m on the fringe of a relationship with, I’m really happy with that and how it could go. Time will tell eh?

In terms of OkCupid, over the course of..I’m not sure how long it has been actually. I’ve met plenty of nice people: some Americans that somehow stumbled across me or vice versa, I realised that I really do have a type as well (I could spend an entire post on this, maybe I will some time), I met a few girls that seemed interested but I never had enough of a connection to want to pursue anything and then a few girls that were interested in me, fairly direct but either timing didn’t fit, they lived too far away or things just didn’t seem to fit or click enough for me to pursue them I guess.

It probably makes me sound like either a coward or a perfectionist, I’m probably a bit of both haha. I think if I lived in London or another city that online dating would be really accessible. I live kinda close but not close enough for my liking to London, it’s just logic that the majority of my matches are from London because of the amount of people there in comparison.

Anyway, it was an interesting experience. I’ve hardly been near the thing for a couple of weeks really. Excluding the odd message from this really nice girl that lives fairly close I guess. Unless I’m just oblivious and dumb (A reasonable possibility), we just get along fairly well and it’s nice to chat to her occasionally.

I actually decided to make this post because out of literally nowhere I got a text from a girl that I’d gotten along with really well, she’s like a lot of women I’ve been involved with: confusing as fuck, to put it simply. Really sporadic texting, I just randomly over a week ago didn’t get a reply from her after she’d suggested meeting up. I’d say she was the only person that I met through OkCupid that I’d have been interested enough to meet up with. I’ve either misread it, or she’s awful at this (whatever this is). Either way, I’m not really a fan of being picked up and dropped randomly.

I highly doubt I’ll mention it again, that’s my very small online dating adventure summed up. If I lived in London then I’m sure this would be a much better read. I think I’d already found what I was looking for and I didn’t realise, to be honest.

Related articles

• So I’m thinking of online dating (melancholycontemplation.wordpress.com)
• Why I Love OkCupid (100awkwarddates.wordpress.com)
• What It’s Like Signing Up For OkCupid For The First Time (buzzfeed.com)

My Album of the day – Maybe I’m Dreaming, Owl City

 

Here’s my favourite album that I’m revisiting and loving all over again for a second time. A lot of old memories and feelings surround so many of these songs. So many new thoughts and feelings are being associated to them this time.

 

 

 

I’ve listened to it on shuffle nearly all day. I have a habit of doing this, music has the ability to make me feel great. It has the ability to put my feelings under a magnifying glass and expand them, during my highest climbs and lowest falls of emotions.

If you haven’t heard this album, or happen to judge Owl City a lot on newer tracks, don’t. Just don’t. Listen to this old album with no prejudice and let it take you to the perfect untouchable daydream that I’m in right now.

Somewhere new

I’ve been thinking a lot, other than family and close friends, there’s nothing here for me on this little island that I’ve spent my life on. (The United Kingdom, nowhere special)

What’s keeping me here? I’m definitely not planning on spending my life here, the idea of just picking a place and moving is so daunting, but so exciting. I think I’d love the states, hey, I won’t know if I don’t find out eh?

I get tired of familiar places, I feel trapped and it gets me really down. I have no drive to make new friends in this new place just because I’ve had to move back here with my parents. I have friends, they’re awesome. Yeah they’re not here, that sucks. They’re still in my life, though.

For now, I think this fits my current thought process quite well.

Though to be honest, people in Southern England can find my accent quite amusing. It’d be funny to see how Americans dealt with a Northern Englishman and his Cumbrian accent!