So tomorrow I was planning to go celebrate my birthday with a big blow out of sorts with all of my favourite people in this world – friends made in university.
Though it turns out everyone is really busy this week, friends working and so on. I actually don’t mind too much. Unlike last visit, I won’t be feeling spread so thin. My plan is to hang with two of my best mates, either together or at separate times. Grab a brief coffee with another before he has to dash (we chat on the phone occasionally and pick up things where we left off regardless of the gap in time).
I’m planning on having a few pints, a good catch up. Followed by staying over with another mate, the plan is just to wake up and spend a lazy saturday smoking weed and watching films, tv shows, cartoons and whatever other crap we stumble across together. I really can’t wait. I don’t really get high too often, but it’s a good release. I just want to chill and feel that ease in my life for a short while before I really start making progress. I have so many things to do.
I’m not going to see Emily this weekend, she’s back home visiting her family. In a way it’s a good thing, we both need the space. In another I’m just really sad that I can’t at least steal a little time, or just a hug, even just take her hand in mine for that brief passing second.
She Skype called me today for my birthday, it was really nice just to have that time. I had a constant smile on my face that only she can bring out of me whenever she wants to. I feel like a better person when she’s with me, one way or another.
As much as I wore a huge grin through our entire chat, I just had a huge lump in my throat too. I promised her I would write her a letter, I’ve destroyed a small tree worth of paper with letters that nobody will read. I’m going to just finish a letter and send it, I might drop it by while she isn’t there so it’s waiting. I need to stop being a coward, essentially!
But anyway, I got off on a total tangent. I do that a lot eh? I need this break, I need a little recharge. No more boundaries that I can’t tackle, none of that bullshit. Moving forward.