Late night thoughts and a fitting song #2

It’s strange to return to a song so soon after you found personal meaning with it and to find that meaning is completely warped or altered. I still don’t know how to feel about this any more. But the chorus still fits for me, one way or another.

Time together is just never quite enough
When you and I are alone, I’ve never felt so at home
What will it take to make or break this hint of love?
We need time, only time
When were apart whatever are you thinking of?
If this is what I call home, why does it feel so alone?
So tell me darling, do you wish we’d fall in love?
All the time, all the time

Owl City has been my soundtrack over summer, so many feelings and emotions linked to songs. Particularly emotions and thoughts of you. Right now this just fills me with a heavy feeling in my chest. I almost feel regretful and to blame for how things went, wishing that I was less selfish and more able to read the situation for what it was. I’m sorry for that, I really am. I’m so scared by the thought that some damage isn’t able to be repaired. More worried by you saying: You make me happy and you make me feel loved, I’m just not sure if it’s in the right way…

Late night thoughts are the worst.

As Kurt Cobain put it so bluntly: Less is more, love is blind.

Tiring, sleepless nights. Alone with my thoughts

I have such a struggle with sleep lately, to the point of exhaustion. So many thoughts in my head. To be honest though, not the same all over the place thoughts about anything and everything of my life for once. I just can’t stop thinking about someone.

Telling an already really close friend that you feel more for them is totally daunting, but this is so different to any situation I’ve been in. I think about how much we have in common, how comfortable and..right it felt just to hold you. I’m just stupidly, head over heels infatuated with you in the most complicated way. I wish it wasn’t complicated, I’m sure the saying is: nothing worth having is ever easy. Can’t remember where I heard it, but it’s pretty fitting.

I’m so bad when I’m just left to my thoughts, but I guess that’s a big part of why I started blogging, it’s a little outlet for my mind to drop some of the baggage off. Which sounds weird when I put it like that. I worry so much that you think more of me than I’m actually worth. I’m not the great catch you see me as, even though I want someone that thinks that highly of me. It makes me worry that I can’t live up to your expectations. Sleepless nights and thoughts really make me sound insane sometimes I swear.

Right now: I’m excited, I’m happy, I’m scared, I’m nervous. I want to sleep so that I can keep dreaming, but my mind doesn’t want dreams to turn to nightmares. Certain song lyrics stick with me at times and I relate to them in my own personal way. So many songs have memories of emotions and certain times in my life. Both old and new.

Are you there, or are you just a decoy dream in my head?

Am I home or am I simply tumbling all alone?

(On the wing – Owl City)

Does anything feel strange?

‘Cos you’re like a perfect dream and I can’t seem to awake

I’ll lose it all somehow.

(Holiday – Swimming with Dolphins)

Please don’t, don’t make me sleep alone
If I could, I’d only wanna make you smile
If you wanna stay with me a while
(Make you smile – +44)

Take my hand,

I’ll teach you to dance,

I’ll spin you around, won’t let you fall down,

Would you let me lead? You can step on my feet,

Give it a try, it’ll be alright

(All about us – He Is We)