Sexual Frustrations

So, we all have dry spells. But this is killing me. I’m so frustrated lately, it’s ridiculous. I’m just so fired up constantly. You just get to a point where masturbation isn’t gonna cut it. I mean, I’ve always had a high sex drive. So being single is fairly rough occasionally, but I had no idea I’d just get worse. The last week or so I just realise that this is the main reason I suck at being single!

I figure I’m actually starting to understand one night stands, though I’ll probably never have one. Something doesn’t sit right with me about them, I think sex with someone you’re totally comfortable with is just too enjoyable? No thoughts about what’s okay and what isn’t.

I guess I just seriously crave the intimacy that comes with being in that sort of relationship, even if it’s just primarily sexual…Which essentially my first proper relationship ended up. I’ve mentioned a great girl that I met recently, she’s made me realise how nice it is to feel valued and wanted. I feel special, i want to keep this feeling. At the same time she’s made me realise how much I need some lovin’ right now, to put it bluntly. I need that level of intimacy in my life, sooner rather than later please!

Times are hard man.

I just want to feel nails against my back and for my neck to be bitten. I could go on..for days. But yeah. Frustrated. I need an outlet, how do other people deal with this? Fuck!

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Online Dating thoughts

So lately I’ve been getting a little bit disheartened and lacking motivation with this. Don’t get me wrong, there are some really nice girls that I’ve got along with just fine, but I guess I’m not okay with fine. I haven’t really met someone yet that I would actually be excited to meet, if that makes sense. It did in my head. Probably just sounds like I’m being super picky and dumb.

I mean, I’m 21. I’m not going to let it bother me or try to force something for the sake of it. Focusing on myself and my own happiness is still pretty much number one focus for me.

Anyway yeah, I’ve met a lot of really lovely American girls through this site, I’ve realised that I love meeting new people and finding out about even little things they do that are different, just how someone on the other side of the world lives their life. When it comes to girls that live vaguely close to me (London included), because of where I live, nobody is immediately close to me and it puts me off meeting someone I guess.

I’m considering meeting up with a couple of girls, one is really into me, though she has a young kid which I’m still not sure what I think about. I don’t really want to put name tags to these girls, I guess I’ll avoid doing that, as much as I could think of a few witty nicknames for some of them!

I’ve spoken to another girl quite a lot, we seem to get along fine. The problem is that you just don’t know if there’s any chemistry without meeting someone, and she seems really off about meeting up. Which sucks, but her loss I guess. Not worth my effort I figure.

A couple days ago when I was pretty much losing all interest in this endeavour I got a message from this absolute stunner, to put it bluntly. We have tons in common, she loves that I play guitar, she seems really into me and pretty forward about it. It caught me off guard but I like it. The idea of my first date as a result of the whole online dating experience still feels a little daunting. If i’m travelling into London to meet someone for the day, I think I just want to be sure I won’t have a nightmare of a time and be sure I have some sort of connection before hand.

Rather than just instant messaging and small talking she just wants to Skype. I won’t hold my breath, but maybe I won’t give up on this online dating lark just yet. A girl that knows what she wants, why do I feel like that’s a rare characteristic of women that have been in my life?

Relationships, friendships and everything in between

As much as I wish this song fit my thoughts right now, it’s quite the opposite.

I’ve realised that I can actually expand on my last thinking out loud on this topic(I’m awful at being single). Both old relationships and new ones that have dynamics that I don’t want to misread, both mine and their feelings-wise. I love finding people that I have tons in common with. I would find a lot of my friends that are girls physically attractive, but obviously I never really realise or think about it, but I can acknowledge y’know?

I guess I don’t want to misjudge dynamics and ruin things, from both old and new sides. You never truly know if you’re compatible in a relationship, no matter how close you are before that. I don’t want to ruin something that already works so well in its own way. At the same time, I don’t know if I misread something new, I just can’t determine great friend or something “more” with a few people lately. I’m my own worst enemy I swear.

Thinking about this out loud just makes me think that I’m being a moron on every front. Which is totally possible.

I’m awful at being single

I’ve realised lately, I’m good at being in a relationship. Granted I’ve had really bad experiences lately in relationships, but I still miss being that close and intimate with someone more than anything else. Which is half the reason I’m so bad at being single, I think at least.

I keep second guessing myself. Do I like this girl? Why is this girl so into me? What does she actually think of me? How does she find me attractive? Am I attracted to her, or is it the intimacy that she offers?

When I put the last question like that I cringed, but I left it there. That’s kinda the biggest worry for me, I’m not the kind of person to toy with someone, but I genuinely don’t know right now if I’m at a weird point of loneliness where I’m just craving intimacy and it changes the way I think about such things.

Probably just me overthinking, I have a habit of putting a lot of thought into things that I blog about. This is definitely no exception. I’m kinda just on the fence about what or who I want right now. Things are complicated, that’s new for everyone right? heh.

The girls I dream of being with are never attainable. Complications complications complications.

Anyway, yeah. I suck at being single. I guess I need to work myself out a little.

Online Dating – Step 1

I promised I’d share for those that are interested in my venture into online dating, and generally looking to meet new people. Thanks to the wonderful author of http://marieaterrell.wordpress.com/ in my last post, I went ahead and signed up to http://www.okcupid.com

Here’s my experience so far:

 

I had a sleepless night last night, left alone with my thoughts and decided to sack up and dive into it. I went over to the site and made a profile, I answered the questions supplied to me after I filled out my profile and got a feel for the site a little.

I have to say, I should be paid by these guys for the endorsement I’m about to give their site. I’m not, but just saying!

The beauty of the site is that it’s entirely free, you’re not limited greatly like I found with match and match affinity in particular, which is pretty frustrating I felt. You can openly message any matches, you can search based on the match percentage, area and many more variables to find what you’re looking for. You can view images of your matches that have been posted. You get a simple show of how frequently a person replies to messages, their relationship match, friendship match and even conflicting views or opinions between you.

You’re notified when you receive a message as well as being shown who has viewed your profile. So I got into it, completed my profile, I still need to add a few more pictures to my profile to complete it. But I’ve got started at least.

I followed through suggested matches in my area, sent around 19 total messages to possible matches that I had plenty in common with. It’s only about 12 hours on, just for reference at this point since I made the account, let alone finished it. I got some sleep, woke up to a few notifications from the site.

So far I’ve had

  • One response from the messages that I’ve sent out.
  • Fifteen individual people view my personal profile.
  • Two girls approach me with messages.
  • One of which I’ve chatted to for a few hours after adding each other on WhatsApp.

To be honest, I was surprised that I’ve made this progress so quickly. It’s really encouraging that I’ve had interest. My profile clearly wasn’t written as badly as I thought (I’ve re-written several parts and constantly made additions), either that or I’m just a catch! I kid, I kid. A tiny bit of attention isn’t going to my head, but I’m making progress.

I’ve met a couple of talented musicians, which I find super attractive, I just get daydreaming about singing duets in a really cheesy fashion. Fuck I’m lame!

Anyway, the girl I mentioned on speaking to through WhatsApp is really cool, we’re getting to know each other. She lives a little further than I’d hope, so it might be a little difficult to arrange a date. But why not be optimistic, at the end of the day I’ve still had the chance to meet someone who shares tons of my interests and is apparently into me as a person. It’s the sort of ego boost that will never hurt.

I’m sure I’ll post more updates about the good, bad and ugly side of online dating as I get to experience it. This is still my beta test right now, time is definitely on my side.

Thanks to anyone that has given me support, kind words, advice and shared experiences with me. You’re the reason that I’m even sharing this at all. Anyone new that stumbles across my blog: drop me a comment, share any of your own experiences or thoughts with me. I’m still learning, there are plenty of things for me to work out with this. Hope you enjoy the ride.

Post Breakup – Embarrassing Story

So we all react in different ways after breakups, go back a year and after almost a year of on/off with the first girl I ever slept with, I decided to stop being so damn unhappy and cut those ties. So I did, and it was harder than I thought, we argued tons and the low moments distinguished any flame that tried to spark during our best times.

It hurt, yeah. I dealt with it badly, I’ll probably do it again. I spent maybe two months drinking copious amounts of anything (mainly wine, a lot of wine) and this story I’m sharing starts that way. It started just going for a quiet drink and catching up with some old mates, the girls got bored of us and were a bit “clicky” so we left them to it and I caught up with my two best mates.

For some reason we decided we’d drink wine, we had drank two bottles of wine each before we even realised, 3 guys in a pub with 6 empty bottles of wine is a weird sight, on reflection. I’m a massive lightweight as it is, I was rocking it like a heavyweight after my breakup. Well, I remember parts of the night, I had the rest filled in from the little the other guys remembered.

So we decided to hit up some of the shitty clubs, we had to walk for about half an hour to get there. Apparently we made it, I think it was a Friday, so it was a pretty busy night. We kept drinking, because we’re sensible like that. These guys had one aim of the night, and it was to get me to start moving on and stop being such a mopey little bitch. I decided to stop caring and just have a laugh.

Amongst odd flirting, picking up a few numbers, I’m a pretty selective and reserved guy. Or I was, I’ve sort of came out of my shell, gained a lot of confidence along the way.

Apparently I strolled upto this woman who was about 40+ and started chatting her up, which she absolutely loved. What I found out about her:

1) She had children.

2) Her husband was at the bar buying them drinks.

So she didn’t seem to care about this, she was loving the attention. We left that club there, she pointed her husband out at the bar and waved him over. He was massive, covered in tattoos and 6″6. He luckily wasn’t the smartest and didn’t realise what had been going on, or I probably wouldn’t be telling this tale at all.

We went onto the next club, or went on a few detours between. Maybe stopped at another pub for a pint. I really don’t even know. Somewhere along the way I stopped drinking for a little bit, the three of us turned on our charm with a group of girls and had a really good laugh. One of these girls was into me, we got talking a little (I think?!?) and necked (Do people know this term or is it a British thing?) for quite a while.

I think I bought everyone shots, I know all I could taste was Tequila for a few days, I don’t have to be Sherlock for that discovery, this is where my night blanks completely. I wake up back at my place, apparently I told my mate that I left them and went off with her and found them later.

My mates told me I just came up to them both with a serious look on my face and just said “You know that girl I’ve been with for the last hour? She just asked me if I was gay.”

So they told me, I said she asked me that and I didn’t say a word, just turned and walked away. I found it so hilarious being told, I was far too drunk to know what was going on, to be honest.

A memorable night, for mad reasons. There are plenty more if anyone finds my major misfortunes and life failure funny. I like looking back and having a laugh at it, maybe you guys did?

 

I’m trying online dating

This is a follow on from my previous blog post “So I’m thinking of online dating”. Check it out if you haven’t, or drop me some advice, share some of your own experiences with me. I’d love to hear them.

Yeah I’ve taken a day or two to come around to it and man up, but I’m tired and can’t sleep. This is often the sort of time where I make big decisions, you decide on if that’s sensible or dumb.

I’m going to sift through the massive amount of choices and after a little advice as well as a good amount of comforting from the super friendly author of http://intothebeauty.wordpress.com/. I’m not planning on spending any money here, just put some time into it. I guess I’m as ready as I’ll ever be, time to nut up or shut up!

I’ll probably give updates on some details, though I’m expecting nothing out of this. Who knows? It’s an experience that I haven’t explored before, either way. It’ll be fun getting to know some new people, if we’re not compatible..well..Nothing ventured, nothing gained eh?

As super apprehensive as I am about it, I know I’m going to struggle a hell of a lot writing the little about myself. Wish me luck, I’m going in.