Post Breakup – Embarrassing Story

So we all react in different ways after breakups, go back a year and after almost a year of on/off with the first girl I ever slept with, I decided to stop being so damn unhappy and cut those ties. So I did, and it was harder than I thought, we argued tons and the low moments distinguished any flame that tried to spark during our best times.

It hurt, yeah. I dealt with it badly, I’ll probably do it again. I spent maybe two months drinking copious amounts of anything (mainly wine, a lot of wine) and this story I’m sharing starts that way. It started just going for a quiet drink and catching up with some old mates, the girls got bored of us and were a bit “clicky” so we left them to it and I caught up with my two best mates.

For some reason we decided we’d drink wine, we had drank two bottles of wine each before we even realised, 3 guys in a pub with 6 empty bottles of wine is a weird sight, on reflection. I’m a massive lightweight as it is, I was rocking it like a heavyweight after my breakup. Well, I remember parts of the night, I had the rest filled in from the little the other guys remembered.

So we decided to hit up some of the shitty clubs, we had to walk for about half an hour to get there. Apparently we made it, I think it was a Friday, so it was a pretty busy night. We kept drinking, because we’re sensible like that. These guys had one aim of the night, and it was to get me to start moving on and stop being such a mopey little bitch. I decided to stop caring and just have a laugh.

Amongst odd flirting, picking up a few numbers, I’m a pretty selective and reserved guy. Or I was, I’ve sort of came out of my shell, gained a lot of confidence along the way.

Apparently I strolled upto this woman who was about 40+ and started chatting her up, which she absolutely loved. What I found out about her:

1) She had children.

2) Her husband was at the bar buying them drinks.

So she didn’t seem to care about this, she was loving the attention. We left that club there, she pointed her husband out at the bar and waved him over. He was massive, covered in tattoos and 6″6. He luckily wasn’t the smartest and didn’t realise what had been going on, or I probably wouldn’t be telling this tale at all.

We went onto the next club, or went on a few detours between. Maybe stopped at another pub for a pint. I really don’t even know. Somewhere along the way I stopped drinking for a little bit, the three of us turned on our charm with a group of girls and had a really good laugh. One of these girls was into me, we got talking a little (I think?!?) and necked (Do people know this term or is it a British thing?) for quite a while.

I think I bought everyone shots, I know all I could taste was Tequila for a few days, I don’t have to be Sherlock for that discovery, this is where my night blanks completely. I wake up back at my place, apparently I told my mate that I left them and went off with her and found them later.

My mates told me I just came up to them both with a serious look on my face and just said “You know that girl I’ve been with for the last hour? She just asked me if I was gay.”

So they told me, I said she asked me that and I didn’t say a word, just turned and walked away. I found it so hilarious being told, I was far too drunk to know what was going on, to be honest.

A memorable night, for mad reasons. There are plenty more if anyone finds my major misfortunes and life failure funny. I like looking back and having a laugh at it, maybe you guys did?


I’m trying online dating

This is a follow on from my previous blog post “So I’m thinking of online dating”. Check it out if you haven’t, or drop me some advice, share some of your own experiences with me. I’d love to hear them.

Yeah I’ve taken a day or two to come around to it and man up, but I’m tired and can’t sleep. This is often the sort of time where I make big decisions, you decide on if that’s sensible or dumb.

I’m going to sift through the massive amount of choices and after a little advice as well as a good amount of comforting from the super friendly author of I’m not planning on spending any money here, just put some time into it. I guess I’m as ready as I’ll ever be, time to nut up or shut up!

I’ll probably give updates on some details, though I’m expecting nothing out of this. Who knows? It’s an experience that I haven’t explored before, either way. It’ll be fun getting to know some new people, if we’re not compatible..well..Nothing ventured, nothing gained eh?

As super apprehensive as I am about it, I know I’m going to struggle a hell of a lot writing the little about myself. Wish me luck, I’m going in.

I’m happy I met you – Sharing my song lyrics

This is a difficult one for me to share, I have mixed feelings because I wrote this song at a time when I’d just met someone and felt so loved. Sadly things didn’t turn out as I had originally hoped, I don’t have bitter feelings, more just disappointment. I guess it’s a relationship I just put down as an experience along my journey.

I’ve never been much of a poet,
But the words are there ‘cos of you,
I’ve never really known how to word it,
But here it goes just for you

All I can do is say sorry,
It’s probably just me that frets,
We don’t really have that story,
Of how across the room our eyes met

Regardless I’m so lucky,
Lucky that somehow you see,
I’m lucky that somehow you see,
Only the best of me

All i’m trying to say is i’m happy i met you
I’m happy i met you
doo, doo, doodoodooo doodoo doo,
I’m happy i met you

I’d say that i’d catch a grenade for you but,
what kind of psycho bitch needs that?
Nothing you do will scare me off,
Pretty sure that you’ve tried that

Please just stay right next to me,
It’s crude but you’re my crack,
I just need you next to me,
Ain’t no looking back

What i’m saying is I’m so lucky,
Lucky that somehow you see,
I’m lucky that somehow you see,
Only the best of me

All i’m trying to say is i’m happy i met you
I’m happy i met you
doo, doo, doodoodoo doodoo doo
I’m happy i met you

All i’m trying to say is i’m happy i met you
I’m happy i met you
doo, doo, doodoodoo doodoo doo
I’m happy i met you

I’m aware it’s pretty primitive, but it has a lot of meaning to me. It was the first song that I’ve written for somebody and it felt amazing to share it with her for the first time.

Who knows, eventually I might record some of my tracks and share them here. For now this is my first little step at sharing my music. You don’t get a complete feel for my songs through the lyrics alone, but for such a personal song..I guess you could say it’s a little insight into my life. In this case, a little insight into my past.

So I’m thinking of online dating

So i’m thinking of online dating, I’m a 21 year old guy. I’m about 3 months out of my most recent relationship, which ended pretty poorly, but no hard feelings. I want to move forward.

I don’t know anyone where I’m living now, at all. No friend groups, I’m not working yet so no casual interaction with anyone whose eye I might be able to catch, or develop a relationship with. Online dating feels like the logical answer, but the notion terrifies me. Not only that, it makes me feel super lonely.

Is it lame and desperate of me at 21 to want to sign up to dating sites and meet people that way? I just want to find the right girl, you know. I’m also pretty daunted at the options, if i just google online dating I could spend the next fortnight signing upto new websites.

I guess what i’m saying is, please help me out here. Will it be a positive experience? Will it be something I look back on and say: “That’s where I found my wife” 

Where should I start? Or should I even start?

I mean, beside this I have a daydream of visiting a coffee shop in my town and bumping into the most beautiful, perfect, available girl. I’ll much more likely find a group of retired women and a lovely, but very married woman, with children.

Anyway, what do you think I should do? I need your advice, internet.

Past, Present and Future

I remember back when I was only fifteen, I had one of my first girlfriends. Our relationship was one of those weird, shy, a lot of text chatting and online chatting. I was into Blink-182 at the time, yeah I was one of those losers, and my band played “All the small things”, for my birthday, she actually left me roses by the stairs (as the lyrics in the song go). I was mortified, to be honest. It’s really funny, I look back and I’d say this girl cared more about me that any others have, in my mind. She probably has no idea who I am, realistically. I found out that she recently got married, which I felt really odd about. Mainly just made me feel quite down.

Anyway, I’m too good at rambling.

What I was more trying to touch on was that I’ve only had two really “meaningful” relationships, both since I went to University. The only two girls that I’ve slept with, which I pride myself on, rather than shy away from that fact. Some people react like it’s a bad thing, being a “lad” that has only slept with two girls even though he’s 21. Fuck the guys that react like that though, to be blunt.

Anyway, I’m trying to give a little insight along the way, to give some context to my thinking out loud here. Essentially over a span of almost three years, I had two relationships. In that time, I was cheated on by both of them. I’ve came to the conclusion I’m too nice, but that just makes me think that if I attract girls that want to treat me like this..I’m just going to stay lonely.

Maybe I’m a pessimist. I’m probably just realistic. 

Really recently, a friend that I only met because of my now ex turns out to be the best thing to come out of that failed relationship. She’s the best, and we’re so alike in so many ways, including what we want from our lives. Of course, like any girl that thinks highly of me, or even notices me for that matter. She’s taken, those two are great together. Trying to avoid difficult, uncomfortable conversations with someone you’re so close to is hard. Especially when you both clearly care about each other. Also, distancing myself from being the guy that the girlfriend vents to about their boyfriend. That’s a bad position to get comfortable being in.

Maybe in ten years time I’ll read this and just think “You asshole, you were so lame”. I kinda hope that happens!

It’s just really lonely, I live in Essex now. After University I’m back living with my parents, hours and hours away from where I was born and raised. I don’t know anyone that lives here but my brother and parents. It’s real lonely, I’m still looking for work. I’m totally cut off from anything social, there’s no way of meeting new people at my age that’s not creepy, is there?

I genuinely can’t think of any! It’s real weird, any ideas or experiences similar to hear about would be really interesting to hear.

Anyway, my future can be as bright as I make it. With a little look and perseverance along the way. I’m really good at self deprecation apparently and feel really lonely right now. Soon enough I’ll hopefully be posting about feeling at home here, or having found someone amazing.

But for right now, the future’s an unpainted canvas. Better keep dreaming.