So I realised that I haven’t posted today, or yesterday. Or whatever, I sort of lost track of days and what’s going on.
I guess I just had nada to say, now it’s gone 1 o clock and I was alone with my thoughts for the first time. So I better share them, eh? That was why I started this blog in the first place.
My older brother has been visiting, I haven’t seen him in over a year. It’s not weird at all, we hang out, we talk about football, or films, or tv. That’s pretty much how it goes, I have a lot of negative feelings towards him. Over the last year we’ve spoken on the phone once, it’s very strange. He’s very distant. I’ll tell the story another time I guess. But I’m a lot closer to my younger brother, as much as I love them both. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a long story. I’ll get to it some time.
I spent longer than I’d have expected to at the council offices today. It was my whole signing on day so I get money for being a jobless fucker (Still waiting to hear from my latest interview, they’ll call me Monday. They said that last Monday too. Awful) The woman that sees me really gets along with me, we just spent about 10 minutes chatting about her son, and allsorts. It’s nice to make essentially a stranger smile. A rewarding feeling to feel like you’ve left a mark on someone’s day with no negative impact on your day.
I actually spent 10-15 minutes waiting in an unusually busy council office. It’s normally empty, there was an elderly lady with her grandson that was 4 as well as a couple with a baby. I felt really old, and totally self reflective on what I want in the near future. This little guy was called Tyler, and I think I must have just given him a huge grin as I sat down or something, this 4 year old kid in a Superman jumper just plonked himself down next to me out of nowhere. He shows me his Nintendo DS and asks me if I want to play, I humour him and joke about the size of the Gameboy I used to have. He was such a cool little kid, I forgot how simple and easily entertained kids can be. He just had the biggest grin and he’d giggle at little jokes. I think his grandma was just happy that someone could entertain him haha.
Made me reflect on what I want in the future, how I will make a great dad. I have absolutely no doubt. Then I laugh at how dumb I can be to even think of that when I’m as lonely as I feel like I’ve ever been right now relationship-wise. Even something as little as an ignored text tonight has really got me down. But for all I know it’s just me overthinking, I’m a bit good at that. Ugh, my brain is awful. Stop, please.