Pre-Interview Nerves

So I’ve got a big interview tomorrow, i’m really anxious for it. My mum teaches at the school that the job would be at and the entire department knows that, they’re not stupid. They’ve even mentioned it to her. The manager of the ICT department told my mum today that five people are interviewing for two (I think?) jobs. There were three outstanding applications and one of them was mine.

So why am I so nervous? I figure because it’s actually a really good job and a huge opportunity for me to get a steady job and progress too. I’ve laid everything out, picked everything that i’ll wear, set alarms, done everything to be ready for this. I’m just worried that I interview badly for once I guess. Weirdly excitedly anxious.

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I got a sharp new haircut, kept my facial hair but trimmed neatly (I don’t want to look like a fucking student at a school where I want a job. But I’m 5″5..so that’s a tricky one). I had an absolute fucking nightmare trying to take out my ball-nose ring too. Had to actually go to a piercer (about 10 places enquired to later) to get it taken out with pliars. But all good, I’ve got a tiny little nose stud in now, I feel like I’ve lost that little bit of rebellion that I was holding onto.

As soon as I get some coffee in me and suit up I’ll get into my pre-interview swagger mindset and do great. I’m sure. Kinda. Hopefully. Probably? Maybe. Yeah, no I should do.

To be honest, being around school kids..I can’t help but just feel like this:

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I actually got a call back from another job I had applied for weeks back and had a phone interview for. I’ve got another interview for that on Tuesday. But to be blunt, I want the job I’m interviewing for tomorrow. I really do. I’m gonna get it too, I’m confident. Just anxious because I almost feel like it’s mine to lose..That probably sounds dumb, but this is why I tag this sort of post as “rambling” eh?

Firefly – My really late discovery

I’ve been short of stuff to watch really since Breaking Bad finished up. I watch good ol’ American stuff like Big Bang Theory, New Girl and How I Met Your Mother. I’m easily entertained you could say.

My favourite American told me to try Firefly, I had genuinely no idea about it. Rather than try to explain it, I’d say let IMDB do that for me. I have no clue how it passed me by. I’m pretty disappointed with myself because it’s a total gem of a show, and the follow on movie Serenity was great too.

Firefly #1

I’m baffled that it only lasted one season. The cast is great, ever since I totally loved Chuck, Adam Baldwin has ticks every box for my entertainment. It’s 14 (I think?) episodes long, I watched them in maybe three days. As soon as I finished it (I was home alone) I took advantage of our big ass tv in the front room and rigged it up to my laptop and found the follow on movie Serenity that I was told would tie up a lot of the loose ends.

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I wasn’t even a little bit disappointed, half way through I realised how well written it was. I only had a vague guess (that was wrong) at where the plot was going. To be completely honest I’d watch 10 seasons of Firefly if they had made it. It’s a huge shame that it wasn’t given further backing for tv. I was sceptical at how the transition from tv show to movie would go, but it was flawless. Even as a stand alone movie you get a good sense for the dynamics, and for someone that loved the tv series it wasn’t patronising or time wasting with the storyline.

Ps I don’t just love Adam Baldwin, I stumbled on this too. 100% relevant!

firefly #3

So if you have managed to have your head in the sand like I have for all these years..Don’t even hesitate. Give it a go, you really won’t be disappointed!

A pretty late update

You know, it has been far too long since I gave an insightful update into the goings on in my life. In part it’s down to my laptop being dead and now brought back to life thanks to a favour called in from a friend of my mums. But it isn’t just down to that, I’ve just been a bit..well, flat I suppose in the last month or two. It comes from a varying range of reasons that I haven’t sat down and given much thought about until now. So here goes with a little out loud rambling.

I’m still unemployed, that’s painful in multiple ways. I feel like a huge disappointment and burden on my family since quitting university, even though I still consider it to be the right decision for me. A big one is money: I get absolute peanuts in terms of unemployment benefits and the unemployment lot that deal with me are fucking useless in terms of inspiration or motivation; I’d go as far as saying there’s zero interest in anything but ticking boxes on their side of their jobs. The majority of my money right now goes back into my family who struggle money-wise right now quite a lot. I’m still in hellish debt of my overdraft for the time being.

It’s not through lack of trying or anything otherwise. I spoke to my dad about it recently and I was telling him about what I was applying for and that it was a lot of effort to put into cover letters or tailoring my CV to their needs or particular shitty jobs that I had to pretend I actually wanted. He told me just to sack all of that off, essentially and try to get something in IT because he knows that I’ll enjoy that. He’s right, but short term that still hurts me until I catch a break from..well, anyone.

I’ve just this Monday sent off a hell of a good account of myself in forms of a job application for two posts at the local school that my mum works at. They’re hiring for two posts: ICT curriculum support technician and ICT support technician. One would be more being around kids and practically being a teaching assistant in IT classes. The other is just all of the easy background fixing shit and either would be a total walk in the park. I only found out about this thanks to my mum and she put a sneaky word in to her friends that work in that department.

To my knowledge there’s only one guy that has applied for either post so far, and he’s younger than me so they think he might not be mature enough. Considering you’re working around school kids constantly, it’s kind of a big deal. I mean, I may be 5″5 but a little facial hair and my northern tones definitely set me apart. Give me one interview and they’ll see that for sure. I’m confident I can get a job if i’m given a chance. These are words I seem to keep repeating to myself. Just give me a chance, someone. Fucking hell, I’m due a little break. I’m optimistic in a reserved way about this opportunity. Fingers crossed that I get a chance for either job. The closing date is the coming Monday (27/1), I’ll be sure to update.

I guess I don’t want to bore people too much in terms of what’s going on with me, this has already turned into a long read I think for most. Sorry about that!

I’ll come back to this soon and give you a part two, might take a part three to really feel like I’ve caught up with everything. We’ll see. See you soon.

Thanks for hanging around, you’re all awesome.

2014, come at me

Hello strangers.

I’m really sorry to have vanished, my laptop decided that it would pick the worst time (the holiday period) to break while I was scraping the barrel of my bank account for gifts, nothing was spare to fix this. Luckily in the new year my mum knew somebody through work that could fix it, he did for totally free. So huge props to him, total life saver.

So now I can get back into the flow of things, though I feel totally out of the loop and a little dry on inspiration with blogging. But I’ve returned to see my little space of the internet has over 100 of you awesome guys following and I’ve even had kind words letting me know that I was missed over this time.

So thanks everyone, even if you were just silently dropping by and hoping for new content. It’s really appreciated and it inspires me to keep sharing myself here.

So where can I begin? Honestly i’ve drawn to a bit of a standstill. I’ve been uninspired in every sense the last few months. Whether that’s guitar playing, song writing, blogging, any luck with jobs, any real life progress at all. Just a real pause moment on my life. I’m digging deep to get myself out of this rut, but that’s easier said than done I guess.

A little break will come. In the meantime, it’s great to be back and I hope people still drop by, I love this community that I’m so happy to be a part of.

I hope your 2014 started on more positives than mine. There’s plenty of time left for those that haven’t really started yet, just like mine.

Optimistic Pessimism

I guess I struggle to keep constant optimism, I fall into a mood of realism. I say realism, it’s borderline pessimism, I’ve just very realistic about how shitty the world can be!

I got off topic within two sentences, I’ve earned some sort of accolade for that surely? Word of warning, I’m venting before I look at any sort of bright sides. Skip a few paragraphs down for the happy shit.

But yeah, I guess I’m always on a tilt of struggling to deal with problems that I have with a lot of things. I hate the majority of people, I don’t want to be stuck working a shitty job, the last two great jobs that have came up have both been organisationally bad and show no respect for people that they interview. So even if they get back to me (As late as a month on, nobody chosen for the job. How?), do I want to work for people that fucked me around for the last month? No, but I would. So give me the job, fuckers!

I keep getting down about my body, and I really don’t do it. When I’m in a relationship and intimate with somebody, I feel great about myself. I feel confident, somebody liked me enough to be close to me. It’s always shortlived. Now that I’m on my own I just feel horrible, I don’t really think anyone would find me attractive. I’m hella skinny, and painfully aware of how little muscle tone I have.

So Callum, you sound fucking emo right now. Why aren’t you doing anything about your shit? Good question.

I’m following up with jobs on Monday, I have a list and I’m going to go on a rampage. There’s a local computer repair shop that is offering an apprenticeship too that has just came up, I’m planning on suiting up and heading in there Monday morning to chat to them. Leave a great impression before dropping my cv off, or applying online (if that’s what I really have to do, oh technology). I figure this is a good way to get across that I’d love to work for them, and I’d be front of house for them. So show how smart and presentable I am. Two birds, one stone. Yeah? Sweet.

And okay. Stop. Callum, at least a handful of girls in your life have found you attractive. I need to stop worrying don’t I, start being optimistic.. Start changing shit for myself. I’ve started doing daily pressups and situps, I’ve eaten really well (Eaten three meals a day and snacked a lot since Friday, this is a huge deal for me. Seriously). Confidence will come, I have people in my life that think a lot of me. Even find me attractive.

Sometimes I think I just need to cool my shit and stop stressing over the little things. I’m making positive steps, working towards being the person that I want to be. That’s all I can do really isn’t it..

Time is:

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I stumbled across this quote, and found that I understood a lot of this from my own experiences.

A great deal of my life has slowed down, I’ve waited a lot of my life. I’ve lamented far too much, you could say. My celebrations have always felt cut short, generally due to going back to the vicious cycle of more waiting or lamenting.

I need to spend more time loving, loving my family, my friends, finding someone special in my life and treasuring them all. We should all treasure this the most, I feel as though I’ve learned from my mistakes. I’m done waiting, done lamenting. Moving forward. I’m going to surround my life in love, and get out of the vicious cycle of unhappiness that I’ve delved into far too often so far.

Life is for finding love, it’s all I really want. It’s all I need. I need to surround myself with people that are deserving of me. Not meant in a horrible way, I just feel that I’ve spent a lot of my time being a giver. Never someone that selflessly takes. It works both ways.

I’m totally rambling now with out-loud thoughts. I guess that’s what this blog is for.

I felt like a little self reflection. But currently I think i’m in a pretty good place, I’m getting there. The future is really promising. I’m excited, I’m optimistic, I’m scared, I’m anxious. I’ve got it all under control, I promise?

Facial hair for an interview?

So I’ve been pretty heavy lately, a lot of struggling with depression, a lot of focus on negatives. But then I remember there’s ridiculously terrible and awesome things yet for me to discover. One thing I know, there’s a lot more shit to discuss and think about at the very least!

Lets take a step back and think facial hair. What degree of facial hair is acceptable in an office environment?

So I grow pretty poor, arguably patchy facial hair. I generally like to be clean shaven or very neat, I look really young without facial hair though. I mean really young. I’m just debating facial hair or no for my job interview Monday.

I’m obviously wanting to look my sharpest, make the best impression..get the job. Jesus, give me a job that I can spend my time doing and enjoy. Give me a little money so I can be a bit more comfortable. Yeah.

So: facial hair, yes or no? I really can’t decide. I figure neat facial hair is fine, but it feels like a fine line between looking good or shabby. Decisions. Welcome to my inner monologue while trying to avoid thoughts that would merely leave me in a pit of emo.