Perception

I often spend time pondering how others perceive me. The main reason for this today is that I bought, tobacco as usual at the local store that’s closest to me. I didn’t make any sort of effort, and it’s pretty cold. So I was just in a t shirt, a shirt layered on top and a hoodie, skinnie jeans and my vans. Standard lazy clothing.

I came to the realisation that since moving back home this summer and turning 22, I’ve not once been asked for ID when I buy tobacco. This is totally alien to me, I mean..I look so young, generally that’s one thing people will note about me. Being 5″5 adds to this for sure haha.

So is it because i’m in the south of England now and I have a low, northern accent? Is it that I have a vague attempt at facial hair? Is it that I’m more mature than I realise? Is it that I don’t look as young as I think?! It may be a collection of these things, or that they just don’t care to ID people without good reason around here.

I have no idea, but it makes me feel old. I don’t know, but I don’t think I like it! I mean, someone can mistake a younger girl as older because of makeup and how she dresses pretty easily. But as a guy, it’s harder to fake age? I don’t think I accidentally look older than I should. I’m only 22! I was even told I look 24 today, not sure how I feel about that.

Is everyone as curious as I am about how they’re perceived day-to-day? My brain works in mysterious and sometimes amusing ways.

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Perception

The last week in particular has opened my eyes a little and made me realise that I’m pessimistic, I thought I was a realist but I think I’ve slipped into having a skewed view of myself.
The way I thought people view me is this short, nerdy guy that’s really awkward, average looking at best and I generally thought my personality is my only good trait, which people would never initially even see.To put it generally anyway. It’s fairly clear when I write that down that I don’t think all that much of myself huh, I didn’t realise I put myself down that much until it’s written down in front of me to see for myself.

I worked at V-festival over the weekend. It was a crappy litter picking job, I did it last year too. I have spare time in a shift to see the odd acts that I want to see and get paid along the way. Can’t really complain. This year I got to see Eddie Izzard and The Vaccines in particular. Because of where I worked I heard from a ton of DJs and seen so many people off their face while I was sober as a judge.

Anyway, off the point entirely. The way I perceive myself, right. The point I was getting to is that while I worked there I was constantly surrounded by around 50 other staff members doing various things, all of which I’d class as more respectable jobs than the crap I was doing. I realised that I’m a confident guy that is really easy to talk to. I’m kind, I’m thoughtful and understanding. I’m compassionate. People like me when they meet me. I can be sarcastic, I honestly think that’s the only thing people don’t always like about me.

So I guess this weekend made me realise that I’m not the same person I was 5 years ago, I’m definitely not the teenager I was. I’m definitely not perceived how I still expect to be for some reason, I probably never was either.

The way people perceive you isn’t always what you expect, don’t be a pessimist like me. At the end of the day, there’s only one thing you can concentrate on. I know for sure it isn’t worrying about what other people think of you, or how you’ll be judged daily. People judge based on multiple things, appearance, how you sound, what they already know about you. Simple, petty things sometimes.

The only thing you can do to change how you are perceived is to not even think about it and to concentrate on being the best version of you that you can be. As long as you do that and find your own happiness, well I think that people will see that.

You are appreciated, you are worth care and attention that you crave one way or another. You’ll find it. I’m not saying that people won’t judge you along the way or that nobody will think you’re a dick. But that’s life.

I definitely have a better idea of how I’m perceived now, feels like a weird realisation but one worthy of sharing and thinking about.