Fall Back Down

I stumbled across another cover that I didn’t know existed of this classic. It’s pretty much the song of my childhood, my Dad’s a hardcore Rancid fan. Therefore I am. This song speaks to me about so many different people through my life.

Over summer Emily has been my rock, I’ve been hers too really. We’ve both needed it in our own ways.

One I’ve never met in real life even, but she has always been there like that.She helped me through my darkest points when I was ill.

Another friend I met through gaming, just like the last I mentioned. We’ve met a lot of times and get along great. He hasn’t always been there at an emotional level, but we always have gaming as our outlet together when things go badly. We rely on each other like that.

One is my childhood best bud. We’ve been through thick and thin. When my parents were on the verge of divorce I remember going on a long weekend trip with him and his family. I haven’t seen him in a long time though we’re always in touch and pick things up where we left off.

My trio of bros that I met in university are like brothers to me, they’ve helped me through so much. Dragged me out of depression once already.

This time it’s completely up to me to find myself and I feel like this song doesn’t apply to me anymore. I envy my history that I’ve always had people around me to pick me up in their own way. I really need it right now and I’m lost looking for that person to rely on. I feel very selfish for saying that, but my friends are my strength. I need them. There’s no shame in that, there’s actually a lot of pride from me.

If you haven’t heard the song I’m talking about, find your favourite version from these. I’m undecided.

A Promise

I promise that within a week I’ll record (I’d imagine a pretty poor quality all round) cover of this song. I love it, it means a lot to me and I just want to sing it.

My first memories were my last summer, I was really down. I was in a suit in the pouring down rain and my day had only just started, nobody had let me into their house or even given me the time of day in my first three hours. I was a door to door salesman last summer incase I forgot to mention that.

Anyway, to cheer myself up I’d be strolling along so cheery, and that one day (I didn’t make a single sale all day until the last 20 minutes of roughly a 10 hour day) I just sang away. I sang this song a lot, amongst others. It really kept me going.

Fast forward and this is a song that Emily (I previously mentioned her plenty, you’re probably bored of me talking like this aren’t you) actually recorded this song specially for me. I love her version, she has a beautiful voice.

You know, I really can’t help..

I can’t sing

So I’ve shared lyrics way back when I started blogging. I love song writing, music is my heart and it keeps me going daily through the best and worst times. I’ve tried to pick up my guitar lately, I’ve played to the point of blisters on my fingers. I absolutely hate how I sound lately, I have a really low voice. I’d make a great backing singer, bass tenor or something similar. I just can’t find my own singing voice for my own songs, or my own style.

I had found it, but once I’ve returned to it I just hate hearing myself. I want to post my own music online and just have an outlet like that but I can’t motivate myself to it. I’m in such a negative place and my voice just feels awful, shaky, and I’m only an average guitarist at very best.

It’s really frustrating, I wish I cared less. I’d be lying if I said that though. I just want a beautiful girl that sings and plays guitar that could bounce off me and sound perfect. There are so many songs that I want to play with someone special like that, I’m a dreamer eh.

Soundtrack to my day

I’ve been listening to all sorts really, but this song is brilliant. Sort of fits my mood lately in the whole negative light. Yeah I’m working on that, sorry. 

I don’t like music that’s generally shouting and aggressive a lot of the time. But sometimes it’s a nice release. I’ve got a whole playlist with The Bronx, Rage Against the Machine, Rancid, The Distillers, Lars Fredriksen, Operation Ivy, Misfits, Gallows and System of a Down on. Sometimes, rarely it fits my mood. I’ve grown up around my dad actually listening to this sort of stuff. I know it all really well.

I had the pleasure to see these guys live in Bristol early this year and they didn’t disappoint. It’s not the sort of gig that I ever feel like I fit in at, I even came out with a shiner from a good elbow to the face in the mosh pit. Was an experience you could say haha.

My sleepless night, sponsored by Hoodie Allen

Sleep, please. I actually miss you a bit. Fancy helping me out?

I love finding a song that just fits my mood or thoughts of a particular time. It’s a big reason that music is such a huge part of my life. It’s a big reason it should be the part of everyone’s life. The raw emotions that music and words can bring out of anyone, how we can draw our own personal meanings from something. It’s really incredible and is undervalued by so many of the masses that will listen to whatever is served up to them in the charts. Woah, I got a bit ranty there didn’t I? My bad. Where was I? Fuck, I wasn’t going anywhere with this. I’m just rambling.

All I want to do,

Is sit and wait for you

//

Are you movin’ ahead?

Am I fallin’ behind?

Fuck it, probably either way it’s all in my mind

Tiring, sleepless nights. Alone with my thoughts

I have such a struggle with sleep lately, to the point of exhaustion. So many thoughts in my head. To be honest though, not the same all over the place thoughts about anything and everything of my life for once. I just can’t stop thinking about someone.

Telling an already really close friend that you feel more for them is totally daunting, but this is so different to any situation I’ve been in. I think about how much we have in common, how comfortable and..right it felt just to hold you. I’m just stupidly, head over heels infatuated with you in the most complicated way. I wish it wasn’t complicated, I’m sure the saying is: nothing worth having is ever easy. Can’t remember where I heard it, but it’s pretty fitting.

I’m so bad when I’m just left to my thoughts, but I guess that’s a big part of why I started blogging, it’s a little outlet for my mind to drop some of the baggage off. Which sounds weird when I put it like that. I worry so much that you think more of me than I’m actually worth. I’m not the great catch you see me as, even though I want someone that thinks that highly of me. It makes me worry that I can’t live up to your expectations. Sleepless nights and thoughts really make me sound insane sometimes I swear.

Right now: I’m excited, I’m happy, I’m scared, I’m nervous. I want to sleep so that I can keep dreaming, but my mind doesn’t want dreams to turn to nightmares. Certain song lyrics stick with me at times and I relate to them in my own personal way. So many songs have memories of emotions and certain times in my life. Both old and new.

Are you there, or are you just a decoy dream in my head?

Am I home or am I simply tumbling all alone?

(On the wing – Owl City)

Does anything feel strange?

‘Cos you’re like a perfect dream and I can’t seem to awake

I’ll lose it all somehow.

(Holiday – Swimming with Dolphins)

Please don’t, don’t make me sleep alone
If I could, I’d only wanna make you smile
If you wanna stay with me a while
(Make you smile – +44)

Take my hand,

I’ll teach you to dance,

I’ll spin you around, won’t let you fall down,

Would you let me lead? You can step on my feet,

Give it a try, it’ll be alright

(All about us – He Is We)