I don’t mean to brag, but..

So I’m still unemployed, oh the joys. The last week I’ve made the same constant effort daily applying to places. No luck at all. Ugh. I actually was made to apply for unpaid work experience that’d look good on my CV. I figured it was better than nothing and went ahead with it. I got turned down for that too, oh the embarrassment. My poor ego was fairly dented.

So I had my fortnightly sign in just a little earlier, tell people how I’m doing and so on. Generally I’m well presented, feeling good about myself, chatting away with my adviser, she’s lovely and we get along fine. I like to think I brighten up her shitty Fridays. I wasn’t my old self, I look and feel like shit. Winter seems to do this to me ever since I got ill, I just feel flat I guess. I was just in tons of layers, lost my glasses?! 

Yes like Velma, funny internet. Funny. But I was running late, so I just decided to be blind.

So I put my earphones in on my way back home, maybe a 20 minute walk. I put some Watsky on and decided he’s right. “You’re a lost dog, I’m a boss hog” and listened to some of his awesome old tracks and one of his spoken word pieces “I don’t mean to brag, but..”. Put a massive smile on my face and went about my more usual walk home. Yeah I still feel shitty, but I made sure I smile at the very least. I even bought myself some peanut butter on the way home because I’m random like that. It’s totally my go-to comfort food. I might just get myself a spoon…

So I guess everyone can pick themselves up, I didn’t have an excuse to be in a bad mood other than just not feeling my best. Epiphany: I’m never at my best, I’m still working towards it. Better keep trying daily or I’m just slowing my own progress. Happy weekend internet.

Fall Back Down

I stumbled across another cover that I didn’t know existed of this classic. It’s pretty much the song of my childhood, my Dad’s a hardcore Rancid fan. Therefore I am. This song speaks to me about so many different people through my life.

Over summer Emily has been my rock, I’ve been hers too really. We’ve both needed it in our own ways.

One I’ve never met in real life even, but she has always been there like that.She helped me through my darkest points when I was ill.

Another friend I met through gaming, just like the last I mentioned. We’ve met a lot of times and get along great. He hasn’t always been there at an emotional level, but we always have gaming as our outlet together when things go badly. We rely on each other like that.

One is my childhood best bud. We’ve been through thick and thin. When my parents were on the verge of divorce I remember going on a long weekend trip with him and his family. I haven’t seen him in a long time though we’re always in touch and pick things up where we left off.

My trio of bros that I met in university are like brothers to me, they’ve helped me through so much. Dragged me out of depression once already.

This time it’s completely up to me to find myself and I feel like this song doesn’t apply to me anymore. I envy my history that I’ve always had people around me to pick me up in their own way. I really need it right now and I’m lost looking for that person to rely on. I feel very selfish for saying that, but my friends are my strength. I need them. There’s no shame in that, there’s actually a lot of pride from me.

If you haven’t heard the song I’m talking about, find your favourite version from these. I’m undecided.

Soundtrack to my day

I’ve been listening to all sorts really, but this song is brilliant. Sort of fits my mood lately in the whole negative light. Yeah I’m working on that, sorry. 

I don’t like music that’s generally shouting and aggressive a lot of the time. But sometimes it’s a nice release. I’ve got a whole playlist with The Bronx, Rage Against the Machine, Rancid, The Distillers, Lars Fredriksen, Operation Ivy, Misfits, Gallows and System of a Down on. Sometimes, rarely it fits my mood. I’ve grown up around my dad actually listening to this sort of stuff. I know it all really well.

I had the pleasure to see these guys live in Bristol early this year and they didn’t disappoint. It’s not the sort of gig that I ever feel like I fit in at, I even came out with a shiner from a good elbow to the face in the mosh pit. Was an experience you could say haha.