My first original song recording

Shit. I totally forgot. Here’s my first original song, just recorded in one take. Written by me, I was nervous to put this up. But I figured, anyone that has commented on my covers or my voice has been really positive and encouraging. So I hope you enjoy!

I’d love to hear what people think, good or bad. I’d just love to know opinions on it.

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I can’t sing

So I’ve shared lyrics way back when I started blogging. I love song writing, music is my heart and it keeps me going daily through the best and worst times. I’ve tried to pick up my guitar lately, I’ve played to the point of blisters on my fingers. I absolutely hate how I sound lately, I have a really low voice. I’d make a great backing singer, bass tenor or something similar. I just can’t find my own singing voice for my own songs, or my own style.

I had found it, but once I’ve returned to it I just hate hearing myself. I want to post my own music online and just have an outlet like that but I can’t motivate myself to it. I’m in such a negative place and my voice just feels awful, shaky, and I’m only an average guitarist at very best.

It’s really frustrating, I wish I cared less. I’d be lying if I said that though. I just want a beautiful girl that sings and plays guitar that could bounce off me and sound perfect. There are so many songs that I want to play with someone special like that, I’m a dreamer eh.

Tiring, sleepless nights. Alone with my thoughts

I have such a struggle with sleep lately, to the point of exhaustion. So many thoughts in my head. To be honest though, not the same all over the place thoughts about anything and everything of my life for once. I just can’t stop thinking about someone.

Telling an already really close friend that you feel more for them is totally daunting, but this is so different to any situation I’ve been in. I think about how much we have in common, how comfortable and..right it felt just to hold you. I’m just stupidly, head over heels infatuated with you in the most complicated way. I wish it wasn’t complicated, I’m sure the saying is: nothing worth having is ever easy. Can’t remember where I heard it, but it’s pretty fitting.

I’m so bad when I’m just left to my thoughts, but I guess that’s a big part of why I started blogging, it’s a little outlet for my mind to drop some of the baggage off. Which sounds weird when I put it like that. I worry so much that you think more of me than I’m actually worth. I’m not the great catch you see me as, even though I want someone that thinks that highly of me. It makes me worry that I can’t live up to your expectations. Sleepless nights and thoughts really make me sound insane sometimes I swear.

Right now: I’m excited, I’m happy, I’m scared, I’m nervous. I want to sleep so that I can keep dreaming, but my mind doesn’t want dreams to turn to nightmares. Certain song lyrics stick with me at times and I relate to them in my own personal way. So many songs have memories of emotions and certain times in my life. Both old and new.

Are you there, or are you just a decoy dream in my head?

Am I home or am I simply tumbling all alone?

(On the wing – Owl City)

Does anything feel strange?

‘Cos you’re like a perfect dream and I can’t seem to awake

I’ll lose it all somehow.

(Holiday – Swimming with Dolphins)

Please don’t, don’t make me sleep alone
If I could, I’d only wanna make you smile
If you wanna stay with me a while
(Make you smile – +44)

Take my hand,

I’ll teach you to dance,

I’ll spin you around, won’t let you fall down,

Would you let me lead? You can step on my feet,

Give it a try, it’ll be alright

(All about us – He Is We)

I’m happy I met you – Sharing my song lyrics

This is a difficult one for me to share, I have mixed feelings because I wrote this song at a time when I’d just met someone and felt so loved. Sadly things didn’t turn out as I had originally hoped, I don’t have bitter feelings, more just disappointment. I guess it’s a relationship I just put down as an experience along my journey.

I’ve never been much of a poet,
But the words are there ‘cos of you,
I’ve never really known how to word it,
But here it goes just for you

All I can do is say sorry,
It’s probably just me that frets,
We don’t really have that story,
Of how across the room our eyes met

Regardless I’m so lucky,
Lucky that somehow you see,
I’m lucky that somehow you see,
Only the best of me

All i’m trying to say is i’m happy i met you
I’m happy i met you
doo, doo, doodoodooo doodoo doo,
I’m happy i met you

I’d say that i’d catch a grenade for you but,
what kind of psycho bitch needs that?
Nothing you do will scare me off,
Pretty sure that you’ve tried that

Please just stay right next to me,
It’s crude but you’re my crack,
I just need you next to me,
Ain’t no looking back

What i’m saying is I’m so lucky,
Lucky that somehow you see,
I’m lucky that somehow you see,
Only the best of me

All i’m trying to say is i’m happy i met you
I’m happy i met you
doo, doo, doodoodoo doodoo doo
I’m happy i met you

All i’m trying to say is i’m happy i met you
I’m happy i met you
doo, doo, doodoodoo doodoo doo
I’m happy i met you

I’m aware it’s pretty primitive, but it has a lot of meaning to me. It was the first song that I’ve written for somebody and it felt amazing to share it with her for the first time.

Who knows, eventually I might record some of my tracks and share them here. For now this is my first little step at sharing my music. You don’t get a complete feel for my songs through the lyrics alone, but for such a personal song..I guess you could say it’s a little insight into my life. In this case, a little insight into my past.

Currently listening to:

So I’m listening to Drive, by Incubus. It’s a song that lately has just sat really well with me. I have a habit to listen to all sorts of music, which if you happen to hang around here, I’m sure you’ll see eventually.

For anyone who hasn’t heard it:

Spotify users
The YouTubes!

I have a habit of listening to songs and taking them in subconsciously. Sometimes, like now: I’ll have a realisation that this song has huge meaning to me right now and it clicks in my head why I was enjoying it so much. I guess I see why it resonates so much with me at the minute.

Lately I’m beginning to find that I should be the one behind the wheel

Whatever tomorrow brings, I’ll be there

With open arms and open eyes yeah

Just a small pick of the lyrics. You could say I’m at a bit of a crossroads in my still pretty young life. A lot of huge and defining decisions are ahead of me and after coming to the decision to quit University and find the happy, optimistic version of myself…You could say I was terrified of the open-ended possibilities, yet feeling so limited at the same time.

I’ve finally came to terms with what’s ahead of me: I don’t know, but I’m embracing what comes my way and doing my best to control my path.

What are you listening to? Does it have any underlying meaning that you didn’t realise? Or are you a little more aware than me and currently have a song that just fits where you are or how you’re feeling?