Late night musings – A new album and rediscovering reading

I’ve just properly committed some time to listening to Feist properly for the first time. Some of her songs I’ve always known and enjoyed but I realise I don’t listen to many albums all the way through lately. It’s great, relaxing, well written, I’m enjoying it so far. Check it out if you haven’t, the first three tracks I love.

Feist – my music for the night

Let it die caught me off guard on this album, I didn’t expect that. I hate when I’m in this sort of weird place and I stumble across a song that just fits a mood. It hits me kinda hard. Music has that ability to just raise me to new highs and more importantly: to kick me when I’m down. Ah well, moving on.

The saddest part of a broken heart,

Isn’t the ending as much as the start

Anyway, totally go off on a tangent forever don’t i? Ugh, Callum. STAHP.

Reading – Rediscovery

I just finished reading the first book that I’ve read from start to finish today. It’s titled: “Do androids dream of electric sheep?” by Philip K Dick.

It was a great read, I actually read it because my older brother (that I have quite a disjointed relationship with lets say) gave me it, as close to a birthday gift that I’ve gotten from him in maybe 5 years or so. I read it while I was travelling and almost finished it on the tube in London. I’m getting used to travelling through London more, I’d normally just be freaking out making sure I didn’t miss my stop. I’m weird like that.

But reading this and finishing it in the space of a couple of days has made me realise that I miss reading. When I was growing up it was always this great escape and I loved to read. I read things way ahead of my age. As I got ill, I struggled with mind fog a lot. I couldn’t read like I used to and would have to take breaks, it made me feel stupid. I’d never felt like that, no matter what I knew I was a smart lad, as weird as that may sound. So to have that taken away from me sucked. I don’t struggle so much as long as I take breaks and stay in a quiet place while I’m concentrating. I still struggle a lot with mind fog on bad days, or if I haven’t slept very well.

But yeah, I’ve got so many things to read. I need more ideas if there are any book lovers that happen to see this. Any suggestions would be great. My dad has read and enjoyed a lot of Clive Barker and gave me a book of is, apparently a character reminds him of me. I still have the Silmarillion that I intended to read a long time ago but it has sat here.

I’m going to join the local library and spend a little time just out of this house in the next few weeks. Whether it’s in a coffee shop or otherwise with a book. I think that’ll be a nice brief escape. I want to find The Clan of the Cave Bear too, I promised that I’d read that. I’m really interested in a book that somebody else has found to be so influential. Maybe I can relate one way or another.

Late night thoughts and a fitting song #2

It’s strange to return to a song so soon after you found personal meaning with it and to find that meaning is completely warped or altered. I still don’t know how to feel about this any more. But the chorus still fits for me, one way or another.

Time together is just never quite enough
When you and I are alone, I’ve never felt so at home
What will it take to make or break this hint of love?
We need time, only time
When were apart whatever are you thinking of?
If this is what I call home, why does it feel so alone?
So tell me darling, do you wish we’d fall in love?
All the time, all the time

Owl City has been my soundtrack over summer, so many feelings and emotions linked to songs. Particularly emotions and thoughts of you. Right now this just fills me with a heavy feeling in my chest. I almost feel regretful and to blame for how things went, wishing that I was less selfish and more able to read the situation for what it was. I’m sorry for that, I really am. I’m so scared by the thought that some damage isn’t able to be repaired. More worried by you saying: You make me happy and you make me feel loved, I’m just not sure if it’s in the right way…

Late night thoughts are the worst.

As Kurt Cobain put it so bluntly: Less is more, love is blind.

Late night thoughts and a fitting song

I can’t sleep. A lot of thoughts are going through this silly head of mine. I think this song just fit, this chorus has been ringing through my head all night.

Time together is just never quite enough
When you and I are alone, I’ve never felt so at home
What will it take to make or break this hint of love?
We need time, only time
When we’re apart whatever are you thinking of?
If this is what I call home, why does it feel so alone?
So tell me darling, do you wish we’d fall in love?
All the time, all the time

I can’t wait to see you. We need time, only time.