Melancholy Contemplation

I think this is the first time that I’ve felt my blog title fits a lot of my ramblings.

I was walking through my small town and I guess I can tell how weird a place I’m in right now based on my thoughts that I’ll share.

I was looking at people pass by me and just thinking to myself – these people are nothing to me, they’re nothing to each other. They only have any meaning to a small amount of people, they probably mean very little to a lot of people that know them. They’ve never made a dent in this ocean of a world that we’re stuck on.

I just find it very daunting to accept that I’ll never make an impact in a global sense. Microscopic chance. That sounds egotistical, but everyone wants that one way or another. They want to feel important. I crave the feeling of worth right now, in any way. Be it to people around me or the chance to impact someone else in a positive way.

Over the last year I make it a habit to spend 5 or 10 minutes of my time to just chat to someone that’s homeless, roll them a few cigarettes and give them any change I have handy. I like to feel that even if it’s just a passing “This Buddy Holly looking fucker has just made my day”, or that giving him my lunch, change and a few fags has left a short term positive for them.

Look, I don’t know. Some people use that change to aid drug or alcohol problems, I’m not an idiot. But people forget that homeless people on the streets are humans that are so commonly looked through and ignored. I can’t deal with that, even if it’s the tiniest thing. At least I can make a small contribution to helping the world, it’s all I have. I’d hope better of everyone in that scenario, but it’s too easy to disconnect ourselves from that in society.

I think in a lot of ways I’ve realised that I hate this world in so many ways. I hate how a lot of people are and how society accepts them when others that arguably deserve more aren’t even given our simple respect or 5 little minutes of our life to be regarded how they should be.