I really had an awful “first” relationship, as in the first girl I slept with. It was only in University, to avoid a long back story: We shared a flat and lived together for a year, I told her I had feelings for her, she broke up with her long term ex, we were on and off constantly for maybe a year. It was awful and messy and really depressed me a lot.
We had a lot of things that were “ours”, like every couple I guess. One was that we’d watch “How I met your mother”, like..It’s a good show alright? It’s not great, nothing special. It aint Friends. But it was our thing, we watched every single episode together, we did marathons of watching them until we were waiting for them to be released and we’d watch them weekly.
It’s really fucking sad. It’s coming up to a year since we broken up and I still look back with weird emotions. I guess your first always has that weird hold and romanticised air of bullshit surrounding them. She was a shit girlfriend, she cheated on me, I moved on. But she hurt me a lot, I was really naive. I kept going back to her constantly, she could click her fingers and I’d come running. After a while that flipped around, I could do the same.
Anyway, I digress.
The point is, I’ve realised that I need to move on, jesus christ. I’ll never move past anyone if I can’t move past this. So it’s a tiny pathetic step to more recent pain, which doesn’t feel like it’s going anywhere. I’m gonna pick up where I left off with that show, I haven’t watched it since we broke up. I’ve never watched it alone. Really weird, but it’s a forward step one way or another I guess.