Family and my weekend

My older brother Jamie is around for the weekend to visit, his girlfriend Leigh is over too. I’ve never met her, she’s lovely. God knows how they ended up together! But I’m happy nonetheless.

In our little 2 bedroom house there are now 6, so it’s crazy cramped and I’ve just sneaked off upstairs for some space. So antisocial. I feel young again around my brother, like when we were younger. It’s funny how some dynamics never really change. We’re not as close as we used to be, but we still have things in common. We both like to read, play guitar and watch football. They’re pretty much our go-to subjects haha. Otherwise it’d be very boring to spend time with Jamie.

He just restrung my guitar for me after I cleaned it up, I’ve never restrung an acoustic guitar before so it was a huge help. It’ll be a pain in the arse playing with new strings going out of tune constantly for the next week, but it sounds great. The strings I’ve been using to record stuff with were old and horrible. I should’ve changed them months ago!

But, I digress. I’m having a lovely weekend with my family, Leigh fits right in with us. Making awful, tasteless jokes about all sorts. It might not be a big family like I’d have preferred, but they’re mine and I love them all dearly.

I hope everyone enjoys their weekend from wherever they’re reading this! I’ll be enjoying mine.

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The night before

So I slept in for my train, not even a little bit. By well over an hour. I woke up about 12:20 and just went FUCK. Slept through 4 alarms and my Dad didn’t realise when I was meant to be leaving so didn’t wake me. FUCK. I got a birthday card today from my grandparents with a £40 cheque, now that’s just going to go to paying for sleeping in essentially. FUCK. I’m pretty mad that I managed to do this, but I should just breathe for a minute.

Last night I ended up on Skype with Emily in the late hours, and neither of us really wanted to hang up. She was really upset over a group of things going on where she’s living at uni and I wanted to do my best to at least try to cheer her up. I think I managed, apparently it isn’t just her that has the uncanny ability to make the other one smile. Which makes me really happy. She sang to me over Skype, her voice just melts me. I was just sitting here wishing I was there and missing her so much.

On my journey I’ll finish writing that letter that I’ve drafted so many times. I won’t be seeing her this weekend, but time and space are important I think. For both of us. I just miss her, even just seeing her. I vividly remember the way my hand feels on her waist, and the first time that I put it there. We were playing spin the bottle, I was oblivious to the fact that she had a crush on me and she actually pulled away (This was maybe the third or so time the bottle had landed on the two of us..). That makes a lot more sense now I guess.

But i’m rambling, I suppose that’s what I do.

I can’t afford to buy an overpriced last minute train ticket, but I can get a train, a tube and then a coach for not too much £30-£35. UGH. Which I don’t need to spend right now, but I already have the set time for a return ticket on Monday. I’m going to go enjoy my weekend just as I planned to.

Here’s a beautiful song, enjoy your weekends.

 

 

So I realised that I haven’t posted today, or yesterday. Or whatever, I sort of lost track of days and what’s going on.

I guess I just had nada to say, now it’s gone 1 o clock and I was alone with my thoughts for the first time. So I better share them, eh? That was why I started this blog in the first place.

My older brother has been visiting, I haven’t seen him in over a year. It’s not weird at all, we hang out, we talk about football, or films, or tv. That’s pretty much how it goes, I have a lot of negative feelings towards him. Over the last year we’ve spoken on the phone once, it’s very strange. He’s very distant. I’ll tell the story another time I guess. But I’m a lot closer to my younger brother, as much as I love them both. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a long story. I’ll get to it some time.

I spent longer than I’d have expected to at the council offices today. It was my whole signing on day so I get money for being a jobless fucker (Still waiting to hear from my latest interview, they’ll call me Monday. They said that last Monday too. Awful)  The woman that sees me really gets along with me, we just spent about 10 minutes chatting about her son, and allsorts. It’s nice to make essentially a stranger smile. A rewarding feeling to feel like you’ve left a mark on someone’s day with no negative impact on your day.

I actually spent 10-15 minutes waiting in an unusually busy council office. It’s normally empty, there was an elderly lady with her grandson that was 4 as well as a couple with a baby. I felt really old, and totally self reflective on what I want in the near future. This little guy was called Tyler, and I think I must have just given him a huge grin as I sat down or something, this 4 year old kid in a Superman jumper just plonked himself down next to me out of nowhere. He shows me his Nintendo DS and asks me if I want to play, I humour him and joke about the size of the Gameboy I used to have. He was such a cool little kid, I forgot how simple and easily entertained kids can be. He just had the biggest grin and he’d giggle at little jokes. I think his grandma was just happy that someone could entertain him haha.

Made me reflect on what I want in the future, how I will make a great dad. I have absolutely no doubt. Then I laugh at how dumb I can be to even think of that when I’m as lonely as I feel like I’ve ever been right now relationship-wise. Even something as little as an ignored text tonight has really got me down. But for all I know it’s just me overthinking, I’m a bit good at that. Ugh, my brain is awful. Stop, please.

Online Dating – Progress?

I’ll keep up with some mentions of progress or anything I think people might find interesting. This is just a blog thinking out loud really, because I found myself with a predicament that I didn’t expect.

So I’ve gotten talking to a girl that shares tons in common with me, she’s lovely, we get along pretty well. What I didn’t notice when I looked at her profile I actually missed noticing that she has a four year old little girl. I didn’t even consider that I might meet someone with a kid, it hasn’t changed my approach or my opinion at all, don’t get me wrong.

I guess I don’t know how I feel about it. It came up into conversation when I asked her about her last ex and she mentioned it, I guess she assumed I’d noticed it in her profile. I don’t know if it bothers me, I really like her, I’ll probably go on a date with her when I’m free and see if we’re compatible before I even put too much more thought into it.

One thing that’s important to me is that I want to be a dad more than anything else in my life, I want a family of my own that depends on me. I want to have stability in my own life so that I can support that, though.

Has anyone been in a relationship where their partner has a child from a previous relationship? I’m curious about what it changed in the relationship, if anything for you. Even if you haven’t experienced it, what are your thoughts on my situation?

I guess it didn’t even cross my mind until it just came up and surprised me.