My monday – the interview that never was

So I slept maybe two hours max. I dragged myself out of the warm bunker that bed feels like on days like this at like 12 o clock or so. Worked out the journey (My dad was driving me, neither of us have been to Brentwood before) for the office that my job interview was at.

Rock up there 10 minutes early, super nervous and anxious to get it done and just go smash it. In an insanely coffee fueled great mood. I wait in the lobby after the receptionist says nobody is in their office. I wait for maybe 20 minutes and feel forgotten about so get the receptionist to see what’s going on. I figured it was around lunch time, not too rare a deal.

I then find out that I should have been contacted and that my interview has to be rescheduled for another date due to staff shortage because of illness. Great. So my day hasn’t really started, I spent towards two hours travelling for nada. My brother has a week off work, so privacy to play guitar, sing or record are fairly out of the window. Oh yay living at home!

But it’s not all bad at all, what an unusual phrase for me to type eh?

Strangely I’ve crossed paths through okcupid with an American girl that’s essentially just my type on a plate. Which is awesome, and obviously sucks too. A lot. I’ve had a lot of fun chatting to her, it’s awesome to learn more about American culture and just little things. You still spell colour wrong ‘murica. That bugs me, fuck!

It’s nice to just meet someone that is effortless to talk to, is interested in you and the whole experience doesn’t feel like an effort. We spent hours and hours talking, sharing embarrassing stories, complimenting each other, learning about each other’s lives and cultures. It was just really nice. If you’re reading this Lara, I think we have competition for my favourite American. I’m sorry!

Obviously it’s a total pen pal scenario, but I like that a lot. In a very pathetic way it’s nice to feel wanted? I really do feel so lonely lately, I don’t keep constant contact with anyone at all.

You know, all in all I’m in a better place. All things considered. I’m still in a good mood regardless of my non-event Thursday. I got to share my picture with a beautiful girl that I’ll very likely never meet. She thinks I’m handsome.

Rule #32: Enjoy the little things

Advertisements

Online Dating update

I realised that a lot of people seemed fairly interested in seeing a single guy’s view of attempting online dating so I figure I should give another update. It really isn’t something that I’ve fully committed to lately. I mean, I’ve made it fairly clear lately that there’s someone that I’m on the fringe of a relationship with, I’m really happy with that and how it could go. Time will tell eh?

In terms of OkCupid, over the course of..I’m not sure how long it has been actually. I’ve met plenty of nice people: some Americans that somehow stumbled across me or vice versa, I realised that I really do have a type as well (I could spend an entire post on this, maybe I will some time), I met a few girls that seemed interested but I never had enough of a connection to want to pursue anything and then a few girls that were interested in me, fairly direct but either timing didn’t fit, they lived too far away or things just didn’t seem to fit or click enough for me to pursue them I guess.

It probably makes me sound like either a coward or a perfectionist, I’m probably a bit of both haha. I think if I lived in London or another city that online dating would be really accessible. I live kinda close but not close enough for my liking to London, it’s just logic that the majority of my matches are from London because of the amount of people there in comparison.

Anyway, it was an interesting experience. I’ve hardly been near the thing for a couple of weeks really. Excluding the odd message from this really nice girl that lives fairly close I guess. Unless I’m just oblivious and dumb (A reasonable possibility), we just get along fairly well and it’s nice to chat to her occasionally.

I actually decided to make this post because out of literally nowhere I got a text from a girl that I’d gotten along with really well, she’s like a lot of women I’ve been involved with: confusing as fuck, to put it simply. Really sporadic texting, I just randomly over a week ago didn’t get a reply from her after she’d suggested meeting up. I’d say she was the only person that I met through OkCupid that I’d have been interested enough to meet up with. I’ve either misread it, or she’s awful at this (whatever this is). Either way, I’m not really a fan of being picked up and dropped randomly.

I highly doubt I’ll mention it again, that’s my very small online dating adventure summed up. If I lived in London then I’m sure this would be a much better read. I think I’d already found what I was looking for and I didn’t realise, to be honest.

Online Dating thoughts

So lately I’ve been getting a little bit disheartened and lacking motivation with this. Don’t get me wrong, there are some really nice girls that I’ve got along with just fine, but I guess I’m not okay with fine. I haven’t really met someone yet that I would actually be excited to meet, if that makes sense. It did in my head. Probably just sounds like I’m being super picky and dumb.

I mean, I’m 21. I’m not going to let it bother me or try to force something for the sake of it. Focusing on myself and my own happiness is still pretty much number one focus for me.

Anyway yeah, I’ve met a lot of really lovely American girls through this site, I’ve realised that I love meeting new people and finding out about even little things they do that are different, just how someone on the other side of the world lives their life. When it comes to girls that live vaguely close to me (London included), because of where I live, nobody is immediately close to me and it puts me off meeting someone I guess.

I’m considering meeting up with a couple of girls, one is really into me, though she has a young kid which I’m still not sure what I think about. I don’t really want to put name tags to these girls, I guess I’ll avoid doing that, as much as I could think of a few witty nicknames for some of them!

I’ve spoken to another girl quite a lot, we seem to get along fine. The problem is that you just don’t know if there’s any chemistry without meeting someone, and she seems really off about meeting up. Which sucks, but her loss I guess. Not worth my effort I figure.

A couple days ago when I was pretty much losing all interest in this endeavour I got a message from this absolute stunner, to put it bluntly. We have tons in common, she loves that I play guitar, she seems really into me and pretty forward about it. It caught me off guard but I like it. The idea of my first date as a result of the whole online dating experience still feels a little daunting. If i’m travelling into London to meet someone for the day, I think I just want to be sure I won’t have a nightmare of a time and be sure I have some sort of connection before hand.

Rather than just instant messaging and small talking she just wants to Skype. I won’t hold my breath, but maybe I won’t give up on this online dating lark just yet. A girl that knows what she wants, why do I feel like that’s a rare characteristic of women that have been in my life?

I’m awful at being single

I’ve realised lately, I’m good at being in a relationship. Granted I’ve had really bad experiences lately in relationships, but I still miss being that close and intimate with someone more than anything else. Which is half the reason I’m so bad at being single, I think at least.

I keep second guessing myself. Do I like this girl? Why is this girl so into me? What does she actually think of me? How does she find me attractive? Am I attracted to her, or is it the intimacy that she offers?

When I put the last question like that I cringed, but I left it there. That’s kinda the biggest worry for me, I’m not the kind of person to toy with someone, but I genuinely don’t know right now if I’m at a weird point of loneliness where I’m just craving intimacy and it changes the way I think about such things.

Probably just me overthinking, I have a habit of putting a lot of thought into things that I blog about. This is definitely no exception. I’m kinda just on the fence about what or who I want right now. Things are complicated, that’s new for everyone right? heh.

The girls I dream of being with are never attainable. Complications complications complications.

Anyway, yeah. I suck at being single. I guess I need to work myself out a little.

Online Dating thoughts

I’ve only been trying this out for a real short amount of time, I’ve already found a few issues, or just little annoyances I guess! It’s still not a perfect system, for sure. It feels more like a work in progress really.

I live close in Essex. This means people in London are classed as “nearby”. That’s 95% of my matches, which limits quite a lot. I’ve already met someone that I’m probably going to head into London to meet, but it turns into a day trip and it’s not cheap to be honest. Could just be a massive disappointment, but if you don’t try you won’t know I guess!

I think my “matches” are hard to work out, I don’t even know my type half the time, good luck internet working that one out.

I keep running into girls that look like my ex and remembering that’s my type, which I still find a little uncomfortable, or it feels wrong.

I get the feeling my type doesn’t live in Essex. Or they’re taken, or hiding. Probably taken. I’ll keep up with it, I’m sure something interesting will come from the experience one way or another, I can’t be the only one that has this problem though!

 

Online Dating – Progress?

I’ll keep up with some mentions of progress or anything I think people might find interesting. This is just a blog thinking out loud really, because I found myself with a predicament that I didn’t expect.

So I’ve gotten talking to a girl that shares tons in common with me, she’s lovely, we get along pretty well. What I didn’t notice when I looked at her profile I actually missed noticing that she has a four year old little girl. I didn’t even consider that I might meet someone with a kid, it hasn’t changed my approach or my opinion at all, don’t get me wrong.

I guess I don’t know how I feel about it. It came up into conversation when I asked her about her last ex and she mentioned it, I guess she assumed I’d noticed it in her profile. I don’t know if it bothers me, I really like her, I’ll probably go on a date with her when I’m free and see if we’re compatible before I even put too much more thought into it.

One thing that’s important to me is that I want to be a dad more than anything else in my life, I want a family of my own that depends on me. I want to have stability in my own life so that I can support that, though.

Has anyone been in a relationship where their partner has a child from a previous relationship? I’m curious about what it changed in the relationship, if anything for you. Even if you haven’t experienced it, what are your thoughts on my situation?

I guess it didn’t even cross my mind until it just came up and surprised me.

Online Dating – Step 1

I promised I’d share for those that are interested in my venture into online dating, and generally looking to meet new people. Thanks to the wonderful author of http://marieaterrell.wordpress.com/ in my last post, I went ahead and signed up to http://www.okcupid.com

Here’s my experience so far:

 

I had a sleepless night last night, left alone with my thoughts and decided to sack up and dive into it. I went over to the site and made a profile, I answered the questions supplied to me after I filled out my profile and got a feel for the site a little.

I have to say, I should be paid by these guys for the endorsement I’m about to give their site. I’m not, but just saying!

The beauty of the site is that it’s entirely free, you’re not limited greatly like I found with match and match affinity in particular, which is pretty frustrating I felt. You can openly message any matches, you can search based on the match percentage, area and many more variables to find what you’re looking for. You can view images of your matches that have been posted. You get a simple show of how frequently a person replies to messages, their relationship match, friendship match and even conflicting views or opinions between you.

You’re notified when you receive a message as well as being shown who has viewed your profile. So I got into it, completed my profile, I still need to add a few more pictures to my profile to complete it. But I’ve got started at least.

I followed through suggested matches in my area, sent around 19 total messages to possible matches that I had plenty in common with. It’s only about 12 hours on, just for reference at this point since I made the account, let alone finished it. I got some sleep, woke up to a few notifications from the site.

So far I’ve had

  • One response from the messages that I’ve sent out.
  • Fifteen individual people view my personal profile.
  • Two girls approach me with messages.
  • One of which I’ve chatted to for a few hours after adding each other on WhatsApp.

To be honest, I was surprised that I’ve made this progress so quickly. It’s really encouraging that I’ve had interest. My profile clearly wasn’t written as badly as I thought (I’ve re-written several parts and constantly made additions), either that or I’m just a catch! I kid, I kid. A tiny bit of attention isn’t going to my head, but I’m making progress.

I’ve met a couple of talented musicians, which I find super attractive, I just get daydreaming about singing duets in a really cheesy fashion. Fuck I’m lame!

Anyway, the girl I mentioned on speaking to through WhatsApp is really cool, we’re getting to know each other. She lives a little further than I’d hope, so it might be a little difficult to arrange a date. But why not be optimistic, at the end of the day I’ve still had the chance to meet someone who shares tons of my interests and is apparently into me as a person. It’s the sort of ego boost that will never hurt.

I’m sure I’ll post more updates about the good, bad and ugly side of online dating as I get to experience it. This is still my beta test right now, time is definitely on my side.

Thanks to anyone that has given me support, kind words, advice and shared experiences with me. You’re the reason that I’m even sharing this at all. Anyone new that stumbles across my blog: drop me a comment, share any of your own experiences or thoughts with me. I’m still learning, there are plenty of things for me to work out with this. Hope you enjoy the ride.