Daily frustrations

I’ve had three hopes and intentions for this week.

The first being to send a letter to Emily, but as much as I’ve thrown away scraps of paper with my scruffy handwriting..I just can’t find the right words to sum up anything that I want to say. I don’t know.

The second was to get a response (hopefully positive) for the job that I applied for previously and really want. Heard nothing, haven’t had a response to my email. When I called them late last week I was told that interviews would be done early this week and that they’d be in touch. Really shitty not to at least tell me I haven’t got the job, huh.

Last of all was the promise I made to record myself playing a song. I’ve recorded sound a little today and just hate how I sound. Completely. I haven’t got a decent microphone and my inbuilt laptop mic doesn’t pick up my voice clearly at certain tones. That and I just hate the sound of my own voice. I couldn’t find any video recording software on my laptop that I thought I would have, I have video with no audio or vice versa. A little annoying and I’m quite tired of making excuses. But yeah.

This week’s going well, I’m just tired of little everyday things chipping away at me and still feel powerless to make a positive impact on my own life right now. Let alone anyone else’s. It’s probably better than I’m single right now and try to pick up my own pieces, if I can manage that.

Just like a bus..

In timely fashion in my life, after searching for 2 months for a job. Last week I had my first job interview, I get an email today that I have another one for my preferred job. After already being offered and accepting the first job. I’m meant to start Monday for job 1, the interview for job 2 is on Tuesday. Seriously who is writing my script?

My parents are super supporting though thankfully. I spent the whole day stressing about what to do, hence no blogging today until now actually.

So I came to the conclusion of going for Job 2 and giving Job 1 a “Thankyou, but no thankyou” by using simple logic:

(Job 1: Primary School Administration apprenticeship. Job 2: Digital Marketing Co-ordinator apprenticeship)

• Job 2 pays almost double, though still very little (£180ish a week) compared to job 1.
• Job 2 would give me a qualification in creative and digital media, rather than administration that job 1 offers me.
• Job 2 offers the future prospect of taking over from the existing digital marketing co-ordinator.
• Job 1 has a possibility of full time employment, no real progression.

I think I’ve thought it over so much that I’m still trying to justify going for the interview and accepting that the other job isn’t for me, it’s just a job that I wanted out of worry about unemployment. I don’t want to end up unhappy in a job that I don’t want to do.

Most importantly I don’t want to commit another year to looking for a qualification to fit me, or that would be applicable in the future for me. I still feel really weird doing this, I better get over that and do as great in the interview on Tuesday as I did in my last one.

I want that job! I’m looking forward to interviewing for it actually, I need to try to avoid putting pressure on myself over it. If I don’t get it, I don’t get it. The world won’t end, there are tons of other jobs. Even while typing this my head is freaking out and worrying that if I don’t get it I won’t find anything else. God I suck. Wish me luck!

Hired

So after my interview thursday at a local primary school for an administration job, I was called the day after asking to come in for a meeting with the business manager. I was pretty chuffed, I’d shown my interest in two of their available posts. I was the first person of several that interviewed for the same job, and clearly it did go as well as I thought. I’m starting next Monday, I’m pretty relieved to have found something. Having nothing to do here while unemployed is pretty frustrating and lonely as well.

This’ll actually be my first full time job, I’ve either been ill or in education upto this point. I hope that I can cope with the hours, to be honest, I don’t think there’ll be very often I’m rushed off my feet after meeting everyone in the office that I’ll work in. I think I might actually be the only guy that will work in the office. Good job they already all really like me haha (Two of the women I’ll be working with interviewed me)

I’m really looking forward to it. It pays really badly because it’s only an apprenticeship, but I pick up the relevant qualifications. So in the long term it’s worthwhile, even if I don’t find use for the administration qualification. No experience is bad experience I figure. It seems like a really nice environment to be in.

She did warn me of the importance of how we come across to parents, that they’ll be shouting at me and I just have to take it. I had a thought in my head of just straight telling an annoying parent to fuck off. Yeah, I probably shouldn’t do that. Better not..