The Future

A lot of my future is a doubt.

My entire future is a doubt, full of unknowns and questions with no answers yet.

A Youtuber that I watch commonly came out with the line that his Dad would say:

Only two things in life are problems, medical and relationships. Money solves everything else.

That really resonated with me and right now you could say I’ve got two problems. Which when I think about it so bluntly, that really sucks. I’m 21, if I had everything set now then I wouldn’t have grown and matured how I have, I wouldn’t be the man that I’m happy to have become. I haven’t got anything physical to speak of as an accomplishment in almost 22 years. Does that suck? Of course. Do other people have it worse? Yes, a lot worse.

I’m blessed to have what I do, I’m building towards my future. Fuck anyone who says i’ve not accomplished anything. Your own personal sense of accomplishment and growth are so important in this life. Nobody even knows why we’re here. We’re all looking for answers to questions that we may never find.

Lets enjoy the ride and stop being so damn materialistic. Even i’m guilty of that at times.

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My blog 1 month on

So I genuinely came into making this blog with intentions of it just being my little personal outlet, I didn’t expect a single follower. It’s kinda weird, thinking that anyone is interested in parts of my life fullstop. I mean, I’m not the most interesting person on the internet aha.

I just think it’s really interesting that anyone at all is reading my posts, people that comment in particular and chat are awesome. I love hearing from people from everywhere and anywhere new and working out similarities or differences. Supportive people are the best, I totally appreciate any positives comments.

So yeah, I guess I’m breaking my usual venting of emotions and feelings for a post just to say thanks for giving me a little unexpected positive reinforcement. It’s not the reason I write, but it’s nice to know regardless.

Online Dating – Step 1

I promised I’d share for those that are interested in my venture into online dating, and generally looking to meet new people. Thanks to the wonderful author of http://marieaterrell.wordpress.com/ in my last post, I went ahead and signed up to http://www.okcupid.com

Here’s my experience so far:

 

I had a sleepless night last night, left alone with my thoughts and decided to sack up and dive into it. I went over to the site and made a profile, I answered the questions supplied to me after I filled out my profile and got a feel for the site a little.

I have to say, I should be paid by these guys for the endorsement I’m about to give their site. I’m not, but just saying!

The beauty of the site is that it’s entirely free, you’re not limited greatly like I found with match and match affinity in particular, which is pretty frustrating I felt. You can openly message any matches, you can search based on the match percentage, area and many more variables to find what you’re looking for. You can view images of your matches that have been posted. You get a simple show of how frequently a person replies to messages, their relationship match, friendship match and even conflicting views or opinions between you.

You’re notified when you receive a message as well as being shown who has viewed your profile. So I got into it, completed my profile, I still need to add a few more pictures to my profile to complete it. But I’ve got started at least.

I followed through suggested matches in my area, sent around 19 total messages to possible matches that I had plenty in common with. It’s only about 12 hours on, just for reference at this point since I made the account, let alone finished it. I got some sleep, woke up to a few notifications from the site.

So far I’ve had

  • One response from the messages that I’ve sent out.
  • Fifteen individual people view my personal profile.
  • Two girls approach me with messages.
  • One of which I’ve chatted to for a few hours after adding each other on WhatsApp.

To be honest, I was surprised that I’ve made this progress so quickly. It’s really encouraging that I’ve had interest. My profile clearly wasn’t written as badly as I thought (I’ve re-written several parts and constantly made additions), either that or I’m just a catch! I kid, I kid. A tiny bit of attention isn’t going to my head, but I’m making progress.

I’ve met a couple of talented musicians, which I find super attractive, I just get daydreaming about singing duets in a really cheesy fashion. Fuck I’m lame!

Anyway, the girl I mentioned on speaking to through WhatsApp is really cool, we’re getting to know each other. She lives a little further than I’d hope, so it might be a little difficult to arrange a date. But why not be optimistic, at the end of the day I’ve still had the chance to meet someone who shares tons of my interests and is apparently into me as a person. It’s the sort of ego boost that will never hurt.

I’m sure I’ll post more updates about the good, bad and ugly side of online dating as I get to experience it. This is still my beta test right now, time is definitely on my side.

Thanks to anyone that has given me support, kind words, advice and shared experiences with me. You’re the reason that I’m even sharing this at all. Anyone new that stumbles across my blog: drop me a comment, share any of your own experiences or thoughts with me. I’m still learning, there are plenty of things for me to work out with this. Hope you enjoy the ride.

Baby steps

I just need to stop and take a little perspective sometimes, try not to feel so engulfed by everything that’s going on with me. To quote one of my favourite movies of all time:

Rule #32: Enjoy the little things.

Right now for me, this is the simplest of things, but who said happiness had to be complex? I know I’ll get there, even if right now even just typing that my head is telling me something counter-productive.

I’ve spent my entire morning until now with my guitar, I actually had to dust it off. Thanks to my M.E that I deal with just fine, some things are always going to be difficult to do without it sapping my energy. I have a fresh blister or two on my fingers, I’m mentally and physically nackered, but I’ve done something with my day. Baby steps.

I’ve actually committed to trying a dating site last night while I had another sleepless night. Coffee is my friend right now, but so are a few people I’ve already had a chance to speak to. Even if it’s brief, those interactions put a smile on my face. I’ll post more on this later. But for now, I’ll keep enjoying the little things and shed a bit of light on the dark cloud that I still can’t get away from.

Baby steps.

Everything starts with a beginning

I’ve wanted to write a personal blog for a long time, I’ve always found an excuse of being too busy or always having something to do. I’ve realised I don’t really like sharing a lot of my thoughts with anyone, I’m not as close to anyone as I wish I was, or the people I could share thoughts with aren’t physically around me right now.

My posting will likely be sporadic, but I’ll likely use this as a little outlet for my own amusements, as well as problems or worries (which there are countless). As much as reception of something like this would be cool, I’m not sure anyone will read my blog. Though I’d reflect on it as positive  if a single person was to view my writing and either personally gain from the experience, or share their own views with me here.