So my memory is pretty patchy at best after splitting my head open twice in my teens, yeah they were both dumb teenage things essentially.
But, I digress.
I don’t remember much of when I was young. But I was thinking back tonight about this time I watched my first horror movie, and realised the link between my kinda fear of the dark as well as the strange relationship that I have with horror movies.
I don’t remember why, but my usually packed house only had my Dad and I on that night, he drank a lot through my childhood and worked long shift hours of a laborious job, so he’d generally come back home and have a bath, listen to music in his room and drink. It was a fairly standard, accepted thing. He worked hard to put food on our table, I respect that of him.
Anyway, I ended up watching The Ring alone, I know it isn’t all that scary a movie, but when you’re maybe 10? I don’t even remember why I watched it, but I was intrigued I guess, and a little ballsy. It terrified me.
Once the movie ended I realised that the lights were off..they must have all gone off because of the old dodgy Victorian house that we had. So it was pitch black everywhere in my house and I was alone after watching this. I was totally crippled with fear after watching this movie.
I managed to make it up the six flights of stairs to the highest room in my house that was my parent’s bedroom. My Dad had passed out with a can still in his hand, I couldn’t even wake him. I tried, even shook him. I was so scared and alone in the dark for hours.
I stayed up there in his bedroom with him there until the really late hours when my Mum got back from maybe drinking with friends or whatever she had been doing that night. I didn’t tell her what happened until days later. She was furious at my Dad.
Ever since that night when I was way too young to watch that shit, never mind the horror movie-esque remainder of the night..I would be scared of the dark, I’d run between my room and the bathroom after turning the light off for years, sometimes I’d leave the bathroom light on so that I could go back and forward.
I enjoy watching horror movies now, I always have. But the aftermath of watching a particularly scary (not gory, more with a good storyline or the more supernatural types) horror still strikes me badly because of that first time. Which is rather pathetic, I’m aware.
I think I see things in the dark, or expect something to jump out, to be attacked. I guess anything like that. I spent my teen years afraid of the dark actually. I’m not like that anymore, as much as I still don’t like the dark particularly.
I still watch a lot of horror movies, it’s almost to test myself on whether I’ve moved past this? I guess. I’ve never thought about it until now. I’m not afraid of the dark, nor do horror movies bother me in the way that they do. I find satisfaction in the fact that I’ve matured past it.
I probably sound insane, I feel mad sharing this with you, internet. I’m normal, honest.
MelancholyContemplation 