I want to learn to speak a foreign language

So just to make things clear, I generally didn’t achieve or apply myself at school. I was bored, there was no mental challenge and teachers would call me by my older brother’s name..He was an arsehole at school. So they all hated me, I put in tons of effort into my first few years of high school, got straight A grades and was top of all of my classes. I found zero reward for it so stopped caring, then eventually was too ill to continue with school.

But anyway! I digress, as usual.

I want to learn a foreign language, German! I spent two years “learning” German in school and know nothing of it, my brain is a sieve at the best of times. I spent even longer in school “learning” French, I think it’s a nightmare of mine to be stuck alone in France. Guh!

So yes, German eh? Yes. I actually have German (Or maybe Austrian?!) relatives way down the line on my father’s side. Not 100% sure, my Grandma is way cloudy on most things, never mind her family tree. But also, my favourite American happens to speak fluent German and has had a spell over there. So I feel like she is great motivation to learn?! If that makes any sense at all.

An ex of mine and her mum would speak Welsh together when they were being secretive, bitchy or even the odd time loving and sweet. I found it really intriguing that they had this closeness and such a tight bond I suppose. It wasn’t something I’d really witnessed before. I’d quite like to have that with someone, in a personal sense. Be able to just chat away, be rude about someone, talk about someone behind their back. Silly shit like that. But also to be able to find words that sound more fitting to feelings or thoughts that I want to convey. For all I know they’re just not right in English and I’ll find them in another language. So I better get looking.

I mean, it bothers me that my brain is a sieve and my memory is terrifyingly awful. But maybe it just needs work and I need the motivation that I seem to lack for so many things throughout my life, the present isn’t an exception.

I’m a work in progress, I’m sorry if that bothers you. But look, I’m working on it okay? You know what, fuck that. If it bothers you, you’re not wanting me to succeed and find my much deserved happiness.

So, German. I’m searching online looking for ideas of the best ways to almost self-teach. I mean, I’ll get some help along the way, but this needs to be something that I seek out and just do. Has anyone recently learned a foreign language? How did you do it, any advice, tips or tricks to help me out?! I’d really appreciate it.


Saturday Smorgasbord

So I realise I don’t share a lot of music that I listen to, and it ranges all over the place. Check out some of these tracks over the weekend, you might find something new you like!

Watsky – Sloppy Seconds

“Cold pizza, tie die shirts, broken hearts,

give ’em here, give ’em here”


Rudimental – “Not Giving In” ft. John Newman & Alex Clare


“This time i’m gonna be stronger, I’m not giving in.”


Doddleoddle – Roar – Ukulele cover

“You held me down but I got up, already brushing off the dust”


All Right With Me – Billy Reid

“When you say, “There’s nothing left to say.”
I hear quite a lot”


Ghost Assassin – Maduk ft Veela

“Something dark inside of me, dark familiarity”


Franco Un-American – NOFX

“I wanna move north and be a Canadian or hang down low with the nice Australians”


Hot Venom – Miniature Tigers 

“Hot venom is mixin’ with my blood
I can feel it on my fingers and taste it on her tongue
It feels so good to fall in love with you”

I hate

I hate a lot of things, a lot of people too. I more hate that I’m stuck in this pit of hatred for so many things that I have no control over. I hate that we’re not talking. I hate that we’re over just like that, and that we didn’t even have that conversation face to face. Even by phone. I don’t know. I hate that you’re definitely still reading my blog, even though you promised that you wouldn’t.

I wish I understood you. I haven’t changed, as much as I’ve struggled a lot with things lately. I’m the exact same guy, just this is how I am when I’m unhappy. Maybe that is different to what you knew. I’ve never had a more defining moment of being knocked on my arse as our last conversation. I can’t bring myself to message you because I’ll be facing this ugly, hateful person that just isn’t you at all. I’d never met her before. I don’t want to again.

I feel awful for having hurt you, it was never my intention and to be compared the way I was to him is just horrible. I’m not as numb to this as I thought I was. But we’re done, you said it yourself. I still don’t know how to process that. I can’t.

Facial hair for an interview?

So I’ve been pretty heavy lately, a lot of struggling with depression, a lot of focus on negatives. But then I remember there’s ridiculously terrible and awesome things yet for me to discover. One thing I know, there’s a lot more shit to discuss and think about at the very least!

Lets take a step back and think facial hair. What degree of facial hair is acceptable in an office environment?

So I grow pretty poor, arguably patchy facial hair. I generally like to be clean shaven or very neat, I look really young without facial hair though. I mean really young. I’m just debating facial hair or no for my job interview Monday.

I’m obviously wanting to look my sharpest, make the best impression..get the job. Jesus, give me a job that I can spend my time doing and enjoy. Give me a little money so I can be a bit more comfortable. Yeah.

So: facial hair, yes or no? I really can’t decide. I figure neat facial hair is fine, but it feels like a fine line between looking good or shabby. Decisions. Welcome to my inner monologue while trying to avoid thoughts that would merely leave me in a pit of emo.


100th post – one of my favourite songs covered and a small update

So I had an awful night, it’s very Emily related. I think things are done, like finished. Over. I guess? I don’t really want to talk about it, I’m kinda numb to it and I think I should just try to move forward and try to grow as a person. I’m really upset and I didn’t want this sort of thing to define my milestone of 100 posts, it has been a weird ride. I wouldn’t say I’ve even made any forward steps over this amount of time. I’ve met some really nice people, and this experience helps me a lot. But progress? Lacking. I’m definitely a work in progress.

I just got myself a spur of the moment haircut, I’d pretty much say to put it simply I now have a Macklemore haircut. I feel very Essex and it isn’t me, but it looks smart, and I think it suits me. Whatever, the beauty is that hair grows eh? But in a suit I’ll be fairly dapper for my interview Monday.

I had a spare 5 minutes to myself so just picked up my guitar and recorded this: I love this song, I can hardly compare to the original but that doesn’t bother me. I guess this song sums up my current mood pretty aptly. Have a great weekend.