Late Night Melancholy Contemplation

I’m often reminded why my blog is titled as it is, tonight is fitting.

I must have fallen asleep while I was watching whatever crap film I had on, fully clothed at around 10. I woke up at maybe half past 2 feeling empty, alone and upset. I think I was dreaming of Emily. I don’t really remember dreams these days, but I just woke up with such strong negative feelings with her on my mind. I just know I saw her with someone else. I was almost in tears.

I’ve been in a pretty good place lately too, a positive one. That’s for sure. This has kinda knocked me on my arse. I guess I’ve avoided how bad it feels to seemingly lose someone that’s really important to me completely from my life. It hurts. I feel really lonely tonight, just…empty? I guess.

I’ve never lost someone that I’ve been so close to in this way.

I should finish this tea and sleep, late night thoughts eat away at me.

24 thoughts on “Late Night Melancholy Contemplation

  1. I don’t know if this will help or not, but I want to share a short story.

    My current boyfriend had a heart shattering breakup with his ex before he met me. For the first few years of our relationship, he would have bad dreams where I turned into her or did to him what she did to him. I think it was therapeutic that he told me abour them. He needed someone to accept his fears were real and assure him they were unfounded.

    I guess whay I’m saying is that these kind of dreams happen. If I could I would give you a hug. I don’t know how much virtual comfort can help, but know there is one person out there thinking about you tonight. I wish you reastful sleep and a beautiful morning.

    Stay well

    • Firstly, it’s great to meet you Tonya 🙂 your blog looks like it’ll be an interesting read when I have time to check it out some more. I’m glad you stumbled upon my little corner of the internet.

      Thank you so much for sharing, this really helped. I read it on my phone last night in the early sleepless hours and it was really reassuring. It was really sweet of you to open up with that story and share with me, I felt cared for. So thank you for helping me sleep well. You’re awesome.

      I hope you’re well

  2. Friend, I STILL dream about my ex. In fact I had two dreams about him last night. Loneliness comes and goes. You’re allowed to have bad nights. Just remember we all have them. And the good nights outweigh the bad by a million.

  3. Boo, I’m sorry :-/ Hopefully as more time passes these dreams will become less and less of an occurence. I still occasionall have (torturous) dreams about exes. I always write them down on a note in my iPhone because it makes me feel better and also because I like to track them to see if something in particular might be triggering them. I’m like a mad scientist.

    Hope you don’t feel too lonely or empty for too long. Have some tea and beat around the blog world and remember you’ve got all of us 😀

  4. im sorry about those dreams! but i totally feel you on the late night thoughts :/ being up late sometimes really sucks, even not late in the day. just when youre alone and there with your thoughts… it isn’t always fun, i get you! but im always here to talk late if you ever need to! haha (:

    • The main reason it freaks me out is that since I had split my head open twice within a few years (dumb I know), my memory is the absolute worst. I don’t remember any dreams at all. So when a vivid one like this pops up it’s a total freak out moment, I almost forget that I can dream.
      I actually don’t know where you’re from. I only seem to be around Americans lately! :3

      • oh my gosh thats crazy! how did you manage that? and yeah thats understandable how it freaks you out, id be in your shoes under those circumstances too!
        and youve fallen upon another american! hahaha were everywhere! jk but im from california (:

      • Oh just dumb things when I was a young teen. Yet I haven’t broken a single bone in my body hah.
        Oh you Americans are everywhere, and I actually like this hah. I swear the entire blogging community that drops by and comments or chats are all American. I personally love it. I’ve learned recently that you guys seem to love my accent!

      • oh of course you boys! hahaha and thats good luck better knock on wood! i havent either thank god!
        and we are! and really you do? haha well i suppose thats a good thing then! were mostly a friendly bunch (: hahaha and oh my god yes we LOVE your accents! i think i read youre from the uk?

      • I’m English, yus! You’re all lovely people. I’ve met people from all over, though my favourite is from Kansas. So you’ve got a wee bit of competition :3 My accent is pretty bad, I have a northern English accent. But so far everyone I’ve skyped with has loved it hah, it makes me so shy.

      • those accents are so amazing! im jealous ): haha and aw darn! californians do it better! kidding kidding (: hahaha what do you mean your accent is bad? and i bet! id be scared to talk to with everybody saying stuff all the time! hahaha

      • Well my accent is just rough and northern English, not great! But it’s flattering to have girls listening to every word and talking about how attractive I am. I can deal with that!

      • huh never heard that accent! i just know of the normal British hahah, i know theres a bunch of different ones within that but yeah!
        and its true, an accent will get you major points without a doubt! an accent always makes somebody more attractive too, in my point of view anyways hahaha
        if you came to america youd probably be picked up like no other! but i bet you can deal with that ;p hahaha im sure that its funny and amazing!

      • Oh I’d rate it as one of the worst accents personally, but that’s just me :p
        Apparently you guys think differently, I seem to have (without realising) for the most part gotten more attention that I’d realised for it over Skype :3
        I could totally deal with that, but I’m totally snapped up already! There’d be a lot of disappointed American girls haha!

      • hahaha probably not to us! its probably amazing! why would you rate it one of the worst? haha
        and thats really funny! probably falling over all your words! hahaha
        and ohhhhh you are? whats going on with that girlie?

      • I suppose to me it’s just..well, it’s not good on the ears. The extra vocabulary I’ve gained from both Cumbrians and Scots is pretty awful, but I don’t even realise I do it half of the time! I get odd funny looks when I say things like “Have a deek at this” – meaning: Have a look at this, for example haha.
        Oh and yes, I’ve found a girl that makes me the happiest. Typically she’s American, and ironically we met through OkCupid..But she makes me optimistic about my future :3 I’m beyond head over heels, she’s perfect for me actually. The whole continent thing sucks though, obviously.

      • hahaha all of the different slangs are really funny! its funny to see people from different countries try to communicate! and of course, us americans and our charm! haha kidding, but thats really sweet! glad you could find somebody perfect for you (: and yes, the whole continent thing does suck ): i hope for the best though! any plans to visit the states or her to you?

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