Aspiration and demotivation

I constantly want to further myself in whatever I can do, whether it’s playing guitar and singing as a hobby, songwriting (Which I suck at) or looking to find a job that I can build towards and love to do.

My biggest problem (That i’m aware of) is that I see someone that’s better than me and I get really demotivated. Yeah I know, there are lots of people that are better than me. Whether that’s E-Sports journalists, amateur singers / guitarists that I find online.

I really shouldn’t care about other people, if anything I should learn from them. I just want to do MY best with whatever I do in my life. I’m constantly on the tight rope of..not even happiness, just the balancing act of avoiding depression. I fall a lot and pick myself up, but I’ve been doing it my entire life. I can’t keep going the same way that I do like this. Something drastic has to change, I don’t even know what.

I’ll work that one out. As well as that, the company that I’m so excited to write for (I’m on a trial period) was meant to last a fortnight, that equals the same amount of time that I’ve had to wait for them to post my two articles (the second still isn’t live, it has been approved for over a week). It’s just really demotivating, I’ve been looking for other websites that I could approach to write for, or considering dropping it. The latter doesn’t last long, because I’m passionate about it. But it takes a lot of work to get into journalism for League of Legends especially. It’s a hugely over saturated market right now, I’m a raindrop in the ocean. I have nothing that puts me apart from anyone other than my determination. If I could afford a good quality microphone and a good pc I could actually create content that isn’t just written and appeal to a bigger audience. I really need to do that, but I can’t afford to do a damn thing with the low wages I’ll be on. Ugh. Sometimes things just suck, y’know?

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